mike
@mikeasd.bsky.social
he/him. autistic dork. im so sorry about all this ↓
do I have worms how many worms too many famous worms good names for worms
girlfriend slept arms folded with her back to me because i said I wouldn’t abandon the Rebellion for her
when someone suggests a task is beyond me: how dare you. Never have I felt so affronted. I spit on u me when I have to do it: [rubbing my temples and wincing] oooughh my neuroplasticityyyyyyy
me: oh man I gotta tell you what happened to me this morning- friend whose stories all start with hosting a lavish orgy at his opulent mansion: set the scene. who were you fistin
ok hear me out: [I extend my proboscis and swiftly pierce your forehead, injecting an enzyme to dissolve your brain matter into a nutrient rich slurry]
Chiitan loves transgender people 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ Even a plain statement like this now brings slander and insults, but I think a society where people can live happily as themselves matters more than silence, so I will keep saying it until the account is gone. love everyone🤍
my sheltered provincial (autistic) upbringing meant i was in my 20s before i heard of Nandos. it sounded outlandish and exotic. i was the peasant they talk about feeding Doritos to
[turning up decades late] “these hipsters care more about IPAs (India pale ales) than they do IPAs (individual performance assessments)!!!!” [the building is empty and everyone is dead. the fields are cracked and barren. the end came and went without us]
And on those skinny jeans, these words appear: “My name is Mike and I’ve always been Quite slim. I’m sure I’ll still be wearing These into my 40s!” Round the expanse Of that colossal butt, and tubby thighs, The waistline stretches far away
one identifying trait of a girlfriend is their phone is at 2 or sometimes 7 percent
my neighbor states that he is not a genie yet every time i rub his house he comes outside
from our Orc City trip: our guide popped out of an Orc tunnel to jokingly scare the vets. Elf King yelled at him for 10 min.
about 3 times per day I remember something stupid I did in the past and groan like I’m taking poison damage
girlfriend’s friend send her this card to congratulate her on a volunteering milestone and I don’t think he understood what it is
mild mannered uncle pressured into playing Fortnite with 9yr old niece reveals hidden gift for killing honed in Unreal Tournament ‘99 like a digital History of Violence
high elf STUNS drinking hall by slighting ancestors in perfect Dwarfish
incredible how one can simultaneously feel depressed about being fat and also be haunted by the time someone said you had the figure of a neglected 5yr old girl