I need a new keyboard that lets me type when I'm drunk.
Mr. Big Penis.
@mrbigpenis.bsky.social
Hi I'm Mr. Big Penis. You'll never guess what I've got in my pants. I'm a linguist or smth but my true calling is fucking your parents. The cat is named Fulgora. If you're from Michigan please don't be. Do not expect many commas. He/him/The/it. 🔞.
Out here turning my cat into a pig just to get the crud out of her eyes.
Wait the cheap mainstream fitness tracker is the perfect modern horror media tech piece. It's got some features like a flashlight and time keeping maybe even a compass. It tracks their health status and what day it is and how much they've done.
One thing I've learned from having bad/no insurance for a while now is that if you start feeling a strange pain you can usually just ignore it for a couple of weeks and it'll go away on its own. If that doesn't work you can often find a weird guy in an alley who will cut off whatever hurts for free.
Why did nobody tell me that there's a guy they call "Chad" in Bleach who just stands there and mogs everyone?
Autism creatures are just the rat creatures from Bone with all the edges filed off.
I'm not bipolar I just go through frequent boom and bust cycles.
Politicians should have to take it up the ass live on TV before getting sworn in. Some of us let randos we just met at the bar stick stuff up there and you telling me you don't love Lady Liberty enough to make the same sacrifice? How'm I supposed to trust in your commitment?
They should make rocks you can smoke that get you crazy high but eventually kill you that definitely won't negatively impact society in any way.
I'm tired of pretending to entertain the idea that batman doesn't have super powers shut the fuck up.
My plan for tonight was pretty much just to get super high and listen to Osibisa and so far it has worked out pretty well.
Yo Chris? It did not need to be that loud. My ears *were* virgin.
Boss just texted to let me know they're putting me in the oxidation chamber at work tomorrow like ok fuckin thanks for the heads-up I guess.
Need me a bitch who will turn my ass into a marketable plushie.
IG knows I fuck dudes now they won't stop spamming me with prep and fiber adds this feels like a hate crime.
I'm gay but not Gay. Like I like dudes but I don't care for RuPaul.
Using AI to write your assignments is dumb but that doesn't make blatantly plagiarizing other people's work and less. Like do you think I'm not still looking for that? I can see the other students' work too I'm not just gonna say "wow they sure did pick a lot of the same words in the same order".
New Avatar movie was very disappointing I would have been upset to have paid to see that in a theater I think the whole switching to digital release situation was an inside job to avoid being a box office embarrassment.
I really want to become a scheming eunuch but I love my big penis too much.
Someone should make a smartwatch app that detects when you're high and then starts randomly buzzing and flashing and displaying text like "YOU ARE HIGH" "EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE HIGH" "THEY ARE WATCHING YOU" etc.
FUCK outlook quit signing me out of my account when I'm trying to sign in. How is this shit not fixed yet? Microsoft is useless.
It's a flavor failure if the next Kamigawa set makes the mechs vehicles. They should just give them and the behemoths all some form of mutate.
In a few years they're gonna release a swarm of drones that hunts and kills poor babies and call it Gandalf.