Company keynotes should require the salary of the person speaking displayed behind them while they're on stage.
The only Deux Moi updates I want today are shul sightings.
Chuck Schumer doing an aliyah at Yom Kip services and our Rabbi’s blessing over him is like “stop fucking everything up” it’s just so perfect
Watching new season of love is blind and lol they put “windows” in the bunkers.. ends up looking even more like a set than before. Oof.
Regularly reminded how terrifying private school teen boys are
*didn’t* volunteer to be a class parent.. my therapist will be so proud.
My biggest parenting win so far is feigning complete ignorance about the Star Wars universe so I can defer to my husband for any and all questions about it. Pure genius on my end.
cant wait for airbnb hosts to have to sell their apts in my neighborhood so maybe we can afford to buy where we live
Imagine you time travel back to y2k and tell them in 2023 people suck smoke out of usb drives
Pure joy is introducing people to the Texan concept of the Homecoming Mum and watching their faces as they look at example photos
Pretty amazing that the term “window shopping” has traversed into the digital realm and means the exact same thing
A person charging down 6th ave yelling “I WILL HURT Y’ALLS… FEELINGS”
I just got a push alert that Adams condemned (today) Harry & Meghan being chased by paparazzi (yesterday). It took him *9 days* to condemn Jordan Neely's murder. The rage I feel about this man being in power
That succession ep was both triggering and really fucking depressing
Honestly at this point, if a clothing brand has an ecomm site and doesn’t include different body sizes wearing what they’re selling, it’s not worth my money to see how it’ll fit (and having to return it when it’s bad)
At what point will it be Bad to have a pretend Aussie accent bc until then I will say “arrr naurrrr” at any opportunity
I have friends pumped for the TSwift tour and other friends pumped for the Beyoncé tour and I don’t think any of those friends overlap which feels… strange
Wish I could work outside with my giant screen and Wacom tablet.
Opened this app before the hell site this morning and it feels gooooood
very funny how this is exactly the same thing as mastodon but people are willing to use it because you don't have to read from the book of the dead to make an account
Warm day sun hangovers are the best. I’m exhausted but it feels worth every minute spent outside.
Ok hear me out: a Speed parody but instead of a bus with a bomb, Keanu & Sandra are driving an suv with their baby napping in the back and they can’t stop or the baby will wake up. High speed police chase, hilarity ensues.