🚨 Parents: Remain patient. It is still too early to get your kid the Halloween costume they *know* they want. The correct window between “I changed my mind” and “no longer available” is 14 to 21 days to Halloween. You’re welcome.
Parentball
@parentball.bsky.social
Parenting humor. Dumb jokes. Dumber puns. Humor writing: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/authors/michael-ward & https://medium.com/@mikeward08 & https://www.pointsincase.com/author/michael-ward Building a game for parents: www.parentball.com (Reboots in 2026)
Has anyone been to Kokomo lately? Thinking of going way down there to get away from it all
Spent some time painting with the kids this weekend, and 7yo made this, which she dubbed her “mousterpiece.” My work here is done
If you drop one of these off the top of the Empire State building, it could spell disaster.
Guys, my wife did it. She made the right amount of spaghetti. A first in recorded human history!
Sure, everyone’s gonna have their own specific gripe. So here’s mine: massive gaping hole that The Colbert Report is not on here. At peak, it was the funniest, most on point political satire of the century. Nonstop laugh out loud ripping of conservative media
To me, every impossible math problem sounds like: Can a rhomboid series of numbers dragon-punch the color orange backwards in time?
Scientific American@sciam.bsky.social · 4d agoCan a six-dimensional sphere be described using imaginary numbers? For decades, experts puzzled over this question. Now an AI has apparently answered it.
*Lou Bega voice* Ladies and gentlemen, This is
Long_Painter@longpainter.bsky.social · last wk.Bodega No.5 8”x8” Oil on cradled wood panel . Available on my website.
Saw this little dude on my run earlier. Either someone’s pet escaped, or I feel like I’m about to be chosen for a noble quest
Headline-writers, your attention please: *This* is how you do it
The doomers, the dreamers and Xi: Trump hears from all sides on AI
David Sacks, Jensen Huang, Susie Wiles and Scott Bessent are some of the people inside and outside of government who play a big role in shaping White House policy on AI.
nbcnews.com
“Shop our sale! Remember, it’s only 100 days until Christm-…” NO. Just stop already. I’m not even in Halloween mode yet. Shut it down
Kids are just *the best* at naming things. I give you... 7yo named her stuffed turtle "Tortie." When asked to clarify where that came from: "It's named after tortellini pasta" When I asked 11yo what we should name our new venus flytrap, he immediately responded "Chompy McChompface"
Do washing machine engineers know how time works? *16 minutes left* *15 minutes left* *16 minutes left* *15 minutes left* *17 minutes left* *15 minutes left* *14 minutes left* *16 minutes left* Wtf, man? That’s not how time operates
I bought a venus flytrap over the weekend, mostly because I thought it would provide some interesting biology discussions with the kids. But but BUT!...now there is a fly in my office. I'm watching and waiting. Do your thing, little buddy
Braveheart: Attack!!
ALT: Braveheart: Attack!!
static.klipy.com
I waited 11 years for this. We finally showed the kids the original Star Wars tonight. They liked it, although it was deemed a bit “old-fashioned.” Yeah, well, it’s about the same age as me, so sure
A Long Time Ago - Star Wars Intro Text
ALT: A Long Time Ago - Star Wars Intro Text
static.klipy.com
People who correct jokes: ily but be more like Parentball and hex in the comments.
Museum of Twitter@museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 2w ago
7yo has entered her turtles era. Turtles everywhere. Turtles all the way down
Grandpa, what was it like living in the Great Prediction Markets Era?
The Muppets reboot Game of Thrones. All characters are muppets except Jon Snow
DiscussingFilm@discussingfilm.net · 3w agoThere are currently no active conversations for a full ‘MUPPET SHOW’ series revival. Disney, The Muppets Studio and Point Grey Pictures have had difficulties with deciding on a premise for the series that they can all agree on. (Source: Deadline)
I was just adding recipe ingredients to the grocery list, and autocorrect changed crimini mushrooms to criming mushrooms. And now I feel like I’ve accidentally created a new kids book series. Criming Mushrooms.
7yo just asked if there's a sequel to The Sound of Music, and now I'm thinking The Sound of Music 2: Judgment Day really needs to be made
The kids are playing Monopoly in the next room, and I'm racing to finish organizing my office before the epic fight and tears that conclude every Monopoly ever played anywhere game begins
Sharks were around before trees, flowers, or Saturn’s rings.
Katelyn Burns@katelynburns.com · 4w agoTell me a fun fact.
*Bond villain voice* And now, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dry.
We’re at the part of the end of summer where the kids are arguing over what language towels speak