“the S&P 500 hit a record high” what if i hit you with a frying pan
my neighborhood 7-11 closed a couple years ago and tried to reopen but couldn’t get the permit approved because there’s a preschool next door and 7-11s sell alcohol (the previous permit was grandfathered in). i saw a fence going up around the lot recently and looked up what was moving in: a gun shop
[after replacing the reflecting pool lining] oh also we found mitch
feels pretty special to see both diary and diarrhea in national headlines at the same time ✨
me: i’m about to rip one under the covers you want in? wife: ew no me: come on i can’t beyblade alone
My Roomba’s battery is low so I’m hand feeding it garbage until it gets its strength back
guys I’m sad about Glen Hansard. one of my bucket list live shows I wish I had seen
mitch mcconnell can come back but they can’t help him reset his password
shark attack victim: no i don’t blame the shark for eating my leg. i was in its home, invading its space. watching tv way too loud. i invited sketchy friends over, they stole its playstation. honestly i’m surprised the shark didn’t eat more of me
choosing to dislike the odyssey not because of the diverse cast or because it misses homer’s point but a secret third reason (i’m broke)
hey if you’re looking for a place to dump your money i have a venmo
The Verge@theverge.com · last wk.X Money is launching in the US starting today
every Shark Week™️ they mention coconuts kill more people than sharks but Discovery has yet to capitalized on Coconut Week™️
none of the text-based posting apps have released fonts or even basic bold/italics formatting options for the same reason private schools make kids wear uniforms. they’re afraid we’ll form posting gangs. and honestly? they should be
wait are my tax dollars paying for mitch’s time in purgatory
every bigfoot eyewitness: the first thing i noticed was the stench, it was awful bigfoot turning off tv, holding back tears: well that’s the last time i put myself out there
rawdogging this 20 min drive. no book, no phone. just the road and my undivided attention
ebenezer boldly asks the question what if johnny depp played a weird guy whose abusive past was magically forgotten
funding cuts are killing pepple because the world’s richest political larper got too hyper
who do we want? the funk soul brother when do we want him? right about now
pretty concerning we still don’t know where mitch is. he could be anywhere at this point. in your backseat, for example
raphael: we’re kind of freaks. should we go out in public? splinter: this is new york baby, you’ll fit right in michelangelo: cowabunga splinter: you stay in the sewer
