It's high time we all started thinking about what kind of world we're going to leave for #MitchMcConnell
Blitchtime Withers
@robwoodyard1.bsky.social
Freelance Writer: Late Show w/ David Letterman, etc. | Reasonably enthusiastic brand ambassador for Toughskins jeans | This machine mocks fascists
September 2029: "According to a statement from his office, Mitch McConnell will not consider casting a vote on President Mark Kelly's nominee for the Supreme Court, Kamala Harris, until returning to Congress after his brief stay in rehab which began recently in June of 2026." #mitchmcconnell
Andrew Tate is reportedly being extradited from the SHU to an area called Ballet Flats on the island of Capri #andrewtate #shu
I am being held in SHU, the highest level of security which exists. No commissary. No visits. No contact with the outside world. My neighbor is a quarterback who screams "JIM...JIM...AAARRRRGH!!" throughout the night. #tonyromo
It appears that Wildberries has merged with Crazy Larry's Roadside Fireworks just off of Exit 38 in Zebulon, Georgia #wildberries
The Wildberries, the Wildberries, the Wildberries is on fire...we don't got no vodka, let the m*therf*cker burn!!" #wildberries #russia #SlavaUkraïni
John Blutarski: "Was it over when the Islamic Republic of Japan bombed Pearl Vision?! NOOOOO!!!"
The withering heat appears to be getting to Erling-Braut Haarlaand today... #worldcup #norway #brazil #vikingstrong
Jesse Marsch is going to be smashing some deli trays with his cricket bat after this match... #worldcup
It speaks to the hypocrisy of the biggest purveyor of sleazy tabloid garbage in history, Rupert Murdoch, that he has apparently forbidden anybody on Fox from mentioning the wedding of the biggest singer in the world #worldcup #fox #taylorswift
Your daily dose of levity: They're apparently suppressing mentions of #TaylorSwift on Twitter this weekend because in the past *any* mention of her would attract combatants from both sides of the fence (Swifties vs. MAGAts) and now it's 🦗
One thing is certain about the Taylor Swift wedding: A very sweaty and pathetic Ted Cruz will be at the front door, wearing a suit with a Knicks jersey underneath and begging to be allowed in ("I'm her biggest fan...don't you know who I am?!!") #taylorswift
As the old saying goes, it ain't over til the John Henry Deutschendorf sings... #CountryRoads #USMNT #WorldCup
The Reflecting Pool has legally changed its name to TPFKAR #TPFKA #ReflectingPool
The Reflecting Pool is quickly turning into this country's Chernobyl - pretty soon they'll have to build a concrete & steel containment dome around it.
So lemme get this straight...Tim Apple is gonna raise prices because chip costs are soaring because of the tariffs put in place by the guy he contributed to and voted for...and it's not partly his own fault? Um, k... #apple
Just remember, the last time the Knicks won it all, a corrupt president was forced to resign the next year.
Tomorrow night at Madison Square Garden: "They're not booing, sir, they're thanking you for making gas $10 a gallon." #msg #nbafinals #knicks
The best news I've heard in years is that Milli Vanilli will be playing on the Mall for the nation's sasquatchcentennial celebration #millivanilli
Marked self temporarily safe from being sued for copyright infringement by Paramount. #CBS #Colbert #Paramount
If Colbert wants to even further confuse the already extremely delusional cult, he'll return to his Report character and run as a Republican in 2028. #lateshow
So essentially, 75 million people voted to intentionally f*ck everybody else... #gas
It's entirely possible that CBS is being wrecked on purpose, considering the new owners are so rich any losses would amount to pocket change, and the gross incompetence is just a garnish to the sh*t sandwich.
David Letterman, on top of the Ed Sullivan Theater with Stephen Colbert tonight, addressing CBS executives: "Good night and good luck, motherf*ckers." #lateshow #stephencolbert #davidletterman
Tim Apple has been sent to a nice orchard out in the country.
Turns out the cost of owning the libs $8 a gallon.
If anybody can get the Strait of Hormuz reopened, it's Waffle TACO