Jesse Hassenger

@rockmarooned.bsky.social

Writer & editor & stuff.

ICE CREAM MAN is very obviously something Eli Roth churned out because his new horror label needed something with his actual brand on it. In that context, it's not surprising he used AI to cut corners. Feels like a movie made in a weekend. www.theguardian.com/film/2026/au...

Ice Cream Man review – Eli Roth’s junky slasher is one of year’s worst horrors

The Hostel and Thanksgiving director takes a massive stumble with a rushed retro horror made on the cheap

theguardian.com

I'm sure AVENGERS: DOOMSDAY will do well, but one reason I think it'll feel a bit diluted compared to ENDGAME is that Marvel already dipped into a mega-crossovers 2x since then, with NO WAY HOME and DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE; may be that "what if everyone ELSE crossed over [again]?!?!" isn't so exciting

I've been on the unofficial Marvel Movie beat for the A.V. Club over the last couple of years and SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY is the best one I've reviewed in that period. (Not stiff competition, but not nothing, either.) www.avclub.com/spider-man-b...

Marvel engineers its best crossover in ages with Spider-Man: Brand New Day

Spider-Man: Brand New Day may not be the best Spider-Man movie ever, but it's an MCU mega-production that feels like a genuine event.

avclub.com

The movie out this weekend that I quite liked, contra many of my colleagues, is HER PRIVATE HELL, which I wasn't able to review anywhere. But it's beautiful and incomprehensible an stars Sophie Thatcher; that's cinema to me. Unfortunately I'm less taken with MOTOR CITY www.avclub.com/motor-city-r...

Motor City takes its dialogue-free gimmick on a long drive to nowhere

Motor City has the ambition to dramatize a pulpy action movie with almost no audible dialogue, but its clichés come through loud and clear.

avclub.com

[E and I discuss her reluctance to see THE FIFTH ELEMENT this weekend] E: I don't like sci-fi! J: But you liked MINORITY REPORT and DISCLOSURE DAY... those are sci-fi. E: Those are directed by Steven Spielberg. J: Now what if instead of Steven Spielberg, it was a French imbecile?

This is petty but there's a review out of there of MOTOR CITY by a major critic that I thought was so unbelievably off-base in its assessment of how the movie uses music that I did kinda write my review as a rebuke to it. www.avclub.com/motor-city-r...

Motor City takes its dialogue-free gimmick on a long drive to nowhere

Motor City has the ambition to dramatize a pulpy action movie with almost no audible dialogue, but its clichés come through loud and clear.

avclub.com

I'm sure it will do more than the Marvel Minimum in terms of money -- could be the most "see it anyway" movie of all time -- but everything in the AVENGERS: DOOMSDAY sell so far has *radiated* desperation, right down to styling Captain America and Thor to look like they did in INFINITY WAR.

I'm at a Sweet 16 for my wife's cousin's kid, with at least one ear on what the music is for Today's Teens. Sad to report that "Shut Up and Dance with Me" has traction. Generally surprised that it took a few cycles of a medley before we got to something I legit didn't know.

Usually when we're on this family vacation I organize a trip to the drive-in with my cousins and it didn't come together this year for scheduling and weather reasons so instead I just made a couple of them watch TWINLESS. What a picture, plays great, makes weird sense that it got an "A" CinemaScore.

AQI went nuts at our vacation spot today so we took the kid indoors to see THE ODYSSEY. I could tell she liked it because one of the actors she knows best (Tom Holland) was the one she said was in it too much.

I like some folkie Beck albums, especially MUTATIONS, but I always get a sinking feeling when he announces his first new album in forever and it becomes exceedingly clear it's going to be one of the mopey Album of the Year ones

I lament so many of my indie rock faves being upgraded to Terminal 5-sized venues (or bigger! Dang, Phoebe Bridgers!!) but then I go to a show in Ridgewood at a tiny venue I've never heard of and the stage is cornered and the only decent sight lines are from the literal front row.