Venus and Serena are famous for being Tennis-y Williams

Dua Lipa is named after what Mario does when you push the A button

“When’s your birthday?” is an age old question

This UK web designer I hired has done me heading

My tattoo artist is former military and highly decorated

"Bitch please" - me at the animal rescue adoption centre

I won the award for best dodger in dodgeball, but it hasn’t hit me yet

A "cup of Joe" has a completely different meaning at the sperm bank

Tried to get into crab breeding but things went sideways fast

All this talk about deserting the army is driving me up AWOL!

Every electrician still gets to work from ohm

“Take a look at me now! Mom! Take a look at me now! Take a look at me now! Take a look at me now!” - Phil Collins, age 4

May the 4th be with you? That's cute- I can make a Star Wars pun with Bothans died behind my back

Whenever we have a family vote it’s ruined by my cousin, Vito

[Scrooge opens window] "YOU THERE, Boy! What day is it?" Boy:

This years Easter basket did not disappoint

Easter Island must be absolutely insane today

Hey there’s a Hare in my chocolate!

Every month should have a Fool’s day

*paint guy mixing the wrong colour* “I’ve made a hue mistake”

Irish Star Trek fans don’t like talking about “the tribbles”

So, if there are no further questions…are there any NEARER questions?

we did it you guys we saved daylight

Moved my clocks forward and they fell off the shelves

I’m worried my phone isn’t listening to me anymore

“I think we’re going to play ‘broken telephone’ today” “That’s not what I heard”

Curling is mostly trying to get your opponents rocks off

I forgot Valentine’s Day and I don’t have the heart to tell her

This chef at the brunch buffet is giving me the crêpes

[to the tune of 'Paperback Writer'] 🎶 Superbowl Sunday