25 of the Funniest Posts We’ve Seen on Bluesky This Week www.thepoke.com/2026/08/05/2...

lettuce is short for lettuce give you explosive diarrhea

joker: how about a magic trick? i’m gonna make this pencil disappear (pencil falls over and joker slams the guys head into the table) joker: hold on let me set up the pencil again you jiggled the table

✨what if it happened tonight ✨

if you’re in line to stay in line, STAY IN LINE

you can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely

WIFE: there's a spider in the kitchen ME: don't worry they're more afraid of us than we are of them SPIDER: let's test that theory shall we

Giant candy bags are called "Share Size" so you'll open up to your therapist that you ate it all

You could grow a spine and do your damn jobs.

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · yesterday

Cornyn: "There's nothing we could do to rein in the president"

call me crazy but these notes in my socks say otherwise

Stop saying "log into a portal." Sounds way too cool for what's happening.

ATTENTION: finally updated my long-abandoned YouTube channel with a rehearsal of a song by a group that my late father really loved, The Bee Gees; check it out I HAVE SPOKEN www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqh3...

I Started a Joke (Bee Gees acoustic cover rehearsal)

YouTube video by Half a Person

youtube.com

DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: okay go around the block ME: t h k e c b o l

"Liberal bubble" has only ever meant anywhere where right wing perspectives aren't artificially elevated and forced into everyone's feeds.

You ever stare at your dog like I can't believe this is free. He could easily charge for this

Legit question for urban Americans - how can i get 2-3 lbs of copper and about 1-2 grams of gold within 3-5 minutes while my small kids play?

Faine Greenwood@faineg.bsky.social · 2d ago

chat can anyone verify that every single Flock camera has about 2-3 Ibs of copper and about 1-2 grams of gold

it could still happen today if mike pence has the courage

DAD PIG: it's a long drive, do you need to use the bathroom before we go LITTLE PIG: no DAD PIG: okay here we go *starts driving* LITTLE PIG: *goes wee wee all the way home*

he sharehold my value til I market cap

*does the spray bottle spraying sound while spraying a spray bottle*

I've started writing an unreliable narrator novel Or have I

[baby court] ME: I’d like to remind the defendant that I still have his nose

ME: i always get parallel and perpendicular mixed up DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: okay well now do the other one

the average american streams eight spider-man movies in their sleep each year

The best part of “you’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?” is imagining the tiny frying pan

Met a horse today. Told him that my hands are *the hands* from horse measuring. Thought it might give him a little thrill, something to tell all the other horseys. Like when people used to meet Bill Pullman.

Sorry I called fish "expired caviar."

It’s hard to explain but tv was better when you couldn’t watch the show you wanted whenever you wanted to watch it and most of the shows were worse and the TVs were worse and the entire experience was worse, that’s when it was better

As an empath, I can sense when a bear is mauling me

MARY JANE: sorry about your uncle dan PETER PARKER: it’s ben MARY JANE: 🎵one week since you looked at me