thinking about that funny cat , guard field

david attenborough if he was drunk as shit just spilling shit all over himself

slop enjoyer@slop.guru · 22h ago

dog too eager to seek affection cat too aloof to seek affection theses animals have much to learn from one another about humility

dog too eager to seek affection cat too aloof to seek affection theses animals have much to learn from one another about humility

rob watched me refill his water in the living room and immediately checked the other bowl in case his management team had attempted fraud

smoking that shit that makes you hold the flashlight steady while nobody is working on anything

does the hamburglar have a normal government name or does his mother also call him that

pov: you’re yelling at me at work

this is where i post from

hey siri, current whereabouts of the california raisins

they should make a little pet-store only debit card for dogs so they can begin understanding the severity of our situation

i wish the taco bell chihuahua had lived long enough to see the cantina menu

do you think garfield knows about 9/11 or does jon try to keep the mood in the house light

the waffle house menu is laminated because the information contained within cannot be destroyed by conventional means

is the monopoly man FDIC insured or is it like a mob financing thing

“continental breakfast” implies the existence of a more elusive and sinister sea-based breakfast

he looks like he’s about to bully harry potter

they’re putting wolf blitzer in the scenario chamber tomorrow live

why do they call it a panic room when that’s where you’re finally doing something about it

my haters have begun distributing a substack newsletter

smoking that shit that makes you watch how it’s made and take written notes

gone off the mead telling the carriage driver i could have gone pro in jousting

i’m not smart actually i’m fully stupid. intelligence is a horseshoe-shaped spectrum and boy am i on it

[guy eating the potato salad at his wife’s funeral] she would have hated this

they should make benadryl for memories

[TSA agent doing a warrantless search of my laptop at the airport] lot of stanley tucci in here

do you think mr. clean is naturally hairless or did something happen at the laboratory

got a little box for my weed pen to go on the nightstand call that cloud storage

please stop suggesting I solve my problem by changing my behavior. I do not want to do that

is there any restaurant that does a hummus flight and if so what is their address and operating hours

every costco sample lady has watched at least one great civilization rise and fall