I'm sure suddenly losing all coordination, slipping up with tools, and constantly dropping and spilling things is no cause for concern.

My longest-running conspiracy theory is the In Search Of (1977) theme song is just the instrumental part of Steve Miller Band's Swingtown (1977).

i think working remote is so great until i have to turn my camera on in a meeting it adds this layer of imposter syndrome where I have to pass for professional looking and not utterly feral don't they know i work better when i am not perceived

If you're far from the sea, a phone-throwing pond will do in a pinch.

You will never see a gen alpha with a broken bone because they're all microplastics Wolverines.

don't make me use my beam powers.

Making enchiladas or lasagna feels like adult craft time

I've decided that from now on, if someone asks if I eat ass. The only acceptable response is. "Depends on the ass."

The price of beef has doubled because cow spark plugs and transmissions and such all come from China.

I bet when you shed your outgrown chitinous exoskeleton it's like: I'm never going baaack!

I don't think any of my body systems are truly happy.

Lying about my preferences and clicking on the worst stuff so they don't put everything I like behind the paywall.

Loyalty? One time a friend brought me a newspaper clipping from the dump and I hung it on my wall for 6 years.

It's sad when hot people leave.

Who even needs to see the movie when we've all shared this wonderful cultural moment

It’s good to know that typos are in now… needed this for myself

Spent the morning stressing out about doing the thing, then the afternoon basking in the fact that I never even remotely agreed to do the thing, balance.

When you put zero UV stabilizers in the product the power of a yellow sun *is* your kryptonite.

You can never really have too many sub-basements.

Don't even bother to pitch a script without a shocking T-bone car accident.

When people ask what I do, I tell them I'm laboring under a false dichotomy.

Being under a popcorn ceiling counts as duress.

Deleting posts counts as posting

I think they misheard it as move fash and berate things

Leg Day to train for that special time in a young lady's life where she gets to donkey kick a man square in his chest.

Sex so good you have to caution tape the mattress and throw it on the side of the road

Lady out here in the woods doing her HR platform training on speaker, now that's hustle.

Blasting Creedence at 10 a.m., extremely caucasian softball game.

I'm no expert, but I play one at work for money and they seem to go along with it.

Thought about getting up, then slept for another hour, anyone tried this?