Saw mince pies in Sainsburys, September 19th!!! I nearly kicked the whole rack over, don't they make enough money without this

Anyone else have a strange dream last night? World ending, total extinction stuff.

Woken up by two pigeons enjoying each other, one sounded very surprised by it all

Lee Anderson being a cunt on BBC, actually said that Labour, Liberal and Conservative got zero votes blatantly ignoring the fact that they didn't stand. Also used the Trump 'attack the media' tactics. What a joke

First fart after the eclipse

Is it ok to look at the sun if you stand in the shade?

Just looked directly into the sun on TV, I'm sure I've gone blind. Going to ring in sick tomorrow

Just got a new job as a seagull fluffer, the seagulls around here are very sexually insecure so I gather them in a group and read explicit literature to them.

Can you dehydrate while drinking water?

Counting the hours until the apocalypse, oops I mean the eclipse

I've been watching Harlan Corben dramas today so now I don't trust anyone

I have changed my view on Infantino, he doesn't look like Dr Evil. He looks like The Hood from Thunderbirds

Fully expecting Infantino to shout fake news and blame Joe Biden for everything

I want to go back to my old universe, I don't like this one

Heatwaves are like buses, you wait 50 years for one then 4 turn up at once

I hope the extra time half time show is better

Oh America just fuck off, half time should just be a pie and a drink and back to it, not this bollocks

In these challenging times someone might need one of them: Childline: 0800 1111 Samaritans: 116 123 Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247 Mind: 0300 123 3393 Age UK: 0800 169 6565 Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650 Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677 MH text support: 85258 Please share. TY x

Do we still get a bank holiday if they finish 3rd?

German football managers declared illegal immigrants

International football and we are lumping the ball like a non league team, embarrassing

Defending for our lives noww

Why do important England games have to be on ITV, they're such arseholes

If Farage is worried about being attacked then he should hide where no one would think of looking for him. Clacton seems perfect

I think my favourite thing about Farage, all politicians really but especially him and Trump, is their face when they realise they have been caught in a lie and cannot harrumph their way out of it

I've got my mum to ring my local football association to dismiss my yellow card in 1997 as I don't believe that it was a deliberate handball. I was scratching my head when the ball hit my hand

Does anyone know how the Illegally kidnapped Venezuelan president and his wife are doing?

So as a distraction from everything that's wrong in his government and country J.D.Vance has given his uncalled for and completely ignorant opinion on the Henry Nowak murder. Sly and desperate attempt to crowbar migrants and racism into the situation.

People in the UK spend all winter moaning about the wet and cold weather and now that it is warm and sunny they moan that it is too hot. We aren't obsessed about the weather we just like moaning

Can nobody tell Trump to keep his nose out of things that don't concern him? Does anyone out there have an ounce of courage?