If you'd like a good lesson in how capitalism works, Elon promised a mars colony by 2025 and in 2026 he is just crashing rockets into the moon.
The great thing about Myspace coming back is that choosing your top 5 friends will no longer have the stress it used to as all the 40 year old millenials who would use the platform only have 2 friends left and only see them once a year anyway.
I understand why some people refer to autism as a superpower but I don't think a movie about me missing social cues and then launching into a two hour unprompted monologue on how I would rank my favourite birds would break box office records.
"Welcome to our Gander reveal party" "Don't you mean gender reveal party" "No" *Dozens of geese burst out of a cake. Ominous honking fills the air. There are no genders only chaos*
Always horrible to see people living your dreams
The Guardian@theguardian.com · 5d agoExperience: I drive a bus for dogs
Accidentally said "Let's take this outside" instead of "Let's take this offline" in a meeting earlier so now everyone thinks I'm trying to start fights in teams meetings.
The cool thing about being diagnosed with autism later in life is when you tell people you have autism you get one of two responses: "You don't seem autistic" or "Yeah obviously how did you not know"
Self care is: - Cooking a nice meal - Going for a walk - Finding an amulet on the walk - Using the amulet to curse your enemies - Relishing in your enemies misfortune - Becoming drunk with the power of the amulet - Having a nice bath
In the 90s when you wanted to use the internet the computer would scream at you for 2 minutes and I think we should bring this back so it sets the tone for any and all experiences on the internet nowadays.
I have no way to prove this but everyone that uses AI in their day to day lives has clapped when a plane has landed.
Shout out to the guy sat next to me in the cinema who got to the bit where the Cyclops turns up in The Odyssey and just said to himself "Well that's ridiculous" and got up and left and didn't come back.
Inside you are two animals. One is a seal called Neil who wants to fuck and destroy. One is a short spined raccoon called jimothy who just wants to be left alone and live a quiet life. Both are valid.
Actors promoting a film in 2016: "Please tell us about your film" Actors promoting a film in 2026: "You all have slegehammers. We are going to ask which food is more likely to give you diarrhoea then you hit the loser. We are on a moving catamaran and everyone has a tiny mic. Release the lizards"
The polar opposite reactions here to the deaths of Sam Neill and Lindsey Graham are such a reminder that we all have a choice whether to live our lives in a way that brings joy or misery to those around us. I think if you’re remembered fondly as Sam Neill is today, you’ve pretty much won at life.
Do you know what's great? Because we killed the planet it's just this but incrementally worse every year until we die! Isn't that amazing! It's just going to get hotter! Every year! Forever! We ruined the world and now it's going to punish us until the end of time!
Imagine being a climate change denier in 2026. Sat in genital soup watching Europe be on fire and pretending any of this is normal as we hurl ourselves towards the climate wars where we start murdering each other for magnums.
Twitter is down. So if you want to use a platform to see right wing hate bile and hateful posts designed to create hate and division you'll have to use any other platform on the internet.
The year is 2035. We have gone through 600 Prime Ministers since 2010. Leadership is now decided by randomly picking Facebook profiles and everyone gets a day to be in charge. Today is Gary from Portsmouth and he has just banned the letter O. The cuntry is in chas.
Days without this country being incredibly stupid: 0
It is hot in Britain again. Public transport is now a travel sauna. Our homes are furious heat boxes where we sit waiting for death. A man wearing skinny jeans explodes from friction. The tiny fans we bought from argos last month explode. We are doomed.
Oh it's the longest day of the year? Grow up. Every day is an unbearable timeless nightmare this one isn't special.
Lots of people now desperately trying to remember their reddit password so they can try and delete their Am I The Asshole post from 6 years ago before it turns into a movie and ruins their life
Culture Crave 🍿@culturecrave.co · 2mo agoHollywood agencies are searching Reddit for short stories and ideas that could be turned into movies following the success of 'Backrooms' (via THR)
Inside you there are two wolves. One wolf has anxiety. The other one has depression. Oh god there's another wolf. This one has childhood trauma. Oh bloody hell there are move wolves coming from the tree line. They all have something. Get the gun there are too many wolves.
Group of teenagers lurking outside a Curry’s trying to bully you into buying them an iPad so they can go on Pinterest
So far the best thing about being diagnosed with Autism at almost 40 years old is everyone saying "Oh you didn't already know that?"
Children aren't the problem. Ban anyone over the age of 30 who still uses facebook and can't tell if a AI video of Nigel Farage getting off with Churchill is real or not.
I don't get Monday fear anymore. I'm a grown up and understand things more, so I'm terrified of every single day instead.
I think we can all safely say the system is fucked if one man can hoard a trillion dollars whilst the majority of the population have anxiety doing their weekly shop.
In news that will shock no-one that has ever met me or interacted with me, today I was finally diagnosed with ASD, or ‘high functioning adult autism’ if you want to get sexy about it. So yeah, that makes a lot of sense