Due to the salmonella/cyclospora/screw worm/black death outbreaks, the CDC has issued a recommendation that Americans avoid food. This warning is in effect until January 20th, 2029. Americans are urged to consume shoe leather instead.

The press seems to have settled on the word "pragmatic" to characterize the twists and turns of Lindsey Graham's career. I think the word "craven" is closer to the mark.

I’m going to open an arcade called Void, which has all these cool games you’ve never seen. You play with tokens. There’s a machine to turn your cash into tokens, but no matter how many bills you put in, no tokens come out—no matter how much you kick and scream. People won’t be able to stay away.

Alright, maybe most Americans are broke and sick...BUT we have the most billionaires in the world! And the ONLY trillionaire! Are we a great nation or what?

I, too, have had a twenty minute conversation with Mitch McConnell. But I used a Ouija board.

Since Trump stepped in to try to rig the World Cup for Team U.S.A., he owns their loss, and that's got to sting. I'm thinking he's going to invest in a pickleball league now. Are there pickleball leagues? There will be. He may even give back his FIFA Peace Prize.

I think he genuinely believes he didn't rape her. But I think he genuinely raped her. And it's this belief among so many rapists that needs to be addressed.

"Rain is expected to stop in 3 minutes and start again 8 minutes later." Oh, how did I ever get through the day without you iPhone Weather app?

There's a part in the book "Careless People" where the author beats Zuck at Settlers of Catan, and he is absolutely wrecked by it. Someone pulls her aside to explain everyone else has been letting him win for years. I think about this a lot re: why tech bros think everyone will love AI chatbots.

Julian Sanchez@normative.bsky.social · last mo.

People who spiral out overusing LLM chatbots are really just experiencing the kind of brain-damaging stream of unconditional validation that’s always been the norm for the hyper-wealthy, which explains a lot.

After the exciting roll-out of "godless commies," the White House is looking forward to the premiere of "reefer madness" and "demon rum." "Bossy women" and "uppity negroes" are still being poll tested, but the administration is hoping to reintroduce them later this year.

Used to be, it was weird to be weird. But now everybody claims to be weird, weird is normal. So the only way to be weird nowadays is to be normal. But nobody knows what’s normal any more. That’s weird.

The America we love still exists.

On this day in 1845, Thoreau went to the woods.

Stats show.

Happy 250th birthday, America. You don't look a day over a thousand.

Crews have started pouring concrete on the White House south lawn. Rumor has it that it's for a helipad, but I'd check on Jack Smith and E. Jean Carroll.

Big deal, you climbed to the top of the Empire State Building, I climb out of bed every morning and I get no press at all.

DJT raked in 2 billion last year? Nah. That's just the money he couldn't hide.

The name is wrong--it's not an MOU, but an MOMU--a memo of misunderstanding.

Happy Canada Day, you Canadians, you. We in the lower 48(+2) have been working hard for the past two years to make you even more grateful that you live where you live, and not, say, below the 49th parallel. You're welcome, ya big galoots!

New Substack: We are all in our own private wars with the future, because the future (spoilers!) inevitably brings death to each of us. But in this era of rapidly-advancing technology, it first brings obsolescence: the death of permanence. mosesmiller.substack.com/p/either-fig...

DJT calls the housing bill a BIG YAWN. (While he lives in government housing)

New Substack: We are all in our own private wars with the future, because the future (spoilers!) inevitably brings death to each of us. But in this era of rapidly-advancing technology, it first brings obsolescence: the death of permanence. mosesmiller.substack.com/p/either-fig...

😹😹😹 21 Thus thou calledst to remembrance the lewdness of thy youth, in bruising thy teats by the Egyptians for the paps of thy youth.

Mrs. Betty Bowers@mrsbettybowers.bsky.social · last mo.

Class, in accordance with Texas’s new law, we are going to engage in Bible study. Please open you Bibles to Ezekiel 23:20. “There she lusted after her lovers, whose penises were like those of donkeys and whose ejaculations were like that of horses.” The Bible, pornography for the WHOLE family!

So a lot of people are upset that Texas is going to make kids read the Bible. But I figure any close reading of the Bible turns people into nonbelievers (which is why most Christians don't read the Bible.) In 20 years Texas will be the first all-atheist state! God willin' and the crick don't rise.

Here's a headline for ya (NYTimes): "Vance Downplays Watergate and Compares Himself to Nixon" It's better than being compared to Trump, I'm guessing.

So I know it's demeaning to call squidlings from the planet Xyllyx "aliens," but is "outworlders" still cool?

The fact that intelligent aliens have never contacted us is absolute proof that they exist.

The four stages of Trump: 1) It never happened 2) It never happened, and even if it had happened, it would be perfectly legal and absolutely super. 3) It never happened. Why aren't we talking about the stock market? 4) It happened, and Obama is to blame.

How did vandals cut a 350 ft. gash in the reflecting pool, without being seen, without being caught on camera? O ye of little faith. Ninja antifa frogmen came through the pipes wearing scuba suits, sporting adamantium claws--WITH bags of super algae bred in Chinese labs. Isn't it obvious?