Here's a couple of silly songs from our show at Shaftesbury Fringe last month.
T'Other Simon
@tothersimon.bsky.social
I'm only in it for the funny. Middle distance punner and ukulele-botherer/'singer' with the multiple award-winning musical comedy idiots Plastic Jeezus. www.plasticjeezus.co.uk
Firstly - in all honesty - it's a really good photo of you But I can't just leave it at that ...
I generally hate photographs of my own face (and/or body), but at the weekend, the excellent Alun Wyn Jones* took this snap of me and... I kinda like it. So much so that I'm sharing it with you. LOOK. THAT'S MY FACE, THAT IS. *He's not on here, but is 'thestrangerframe' on Instagram.
Just found out that Rod Liddle's autobiography wasn't called 'Liddle by Liddle' - so I have to wonder - what was he even DOING?!
It's not exactly a polished performance, but a while ago I wrote a piece of music for the ukulele that involves using just one finger and one fret. And here it is. (For what it's worth, I'm a big fan of self-imposed constraints as an aid to creativity. No idea where to start, otherwise).
My antiperspirant claims to offer '48 hour non-stop protection'. The words 'non-stop' are puzzling. Do any antiperspirants work for 48 hours but only sporadically? Do they have a break? "Sorry I'm so sweaty. My antiperspirant doesn't work between 3pm and 5pm. Don't worry, it'll kick in again soon".
In unrelated news, have you seen that video of Olivia Rodrigo joining the Smashing Pumpkins* onstage to sing 'Thirty Three'? It is bloody ACE. youtu.be/ZU5IRKBKQ-Q *Billy Corgan playing acoustic guitar on his own, while the rest of the band stand in the wings and bitch about him, presumably.
Olivia Rodrigo takes the stage with The Smashing Pumpkins to perform "33" together at Lollapalooza
YouTube video by Cover Nation
youtu.be
I just had a weird flashback to the Christian festival we played, where the audience were - predictably - nice as pie, until I jokingly called someone a dickhead and a lone voice piped up "Takes one to know one!". Such a cute heckle.
Why does he look like a man leaning out of a caravan to drunkenly tell you all about how his wife left him for her judo instructor?
Turns out David Lloyd George isn't the Asda sportswear range.
There was a young man from Buckingham, Who wasn't allowed to own cats any more.
If you've been trying - and failing - to find someone who blames everything on 'woke' and struggles to string a coherent sentence together, you should head to the comments under @chortle.bsky.social's Facebook post about Live at the Apollo. You will be *delighted* to see how many of them there are.
Just lost my mind entirely and recorded a cover of Hanson's Mmm-Bop using the phonetic sounds I scribbled down on one listen.
As someone who is friends with lots of comedians on Facebook, I can tell you that the reason Live at the Apollo got axed - according to all the posts I've seen - is that "they didn't put comedians like me on there".
Just found out you can switch off the shitty AI version of the assistant on Android Auto.
Earlier today, my Uber driver in Dublin (Emmanuel) was listening to this on our mad dash to the airport and I just *had* to ask what it was because - well - Christ - just listen to it. youtu.be/6PTTgbci4Kg
Derek Gripper & Ballaké Sissoko / Ancient Stone Quarry - Gümüşlük / July 23, 2023
YouTube video by Gumusluk Music Festival
youtu.be
On an otherwise full flight, I've somehow got the whole row to myself. Might buy a lottery ticket later.
Here's a picture of a disco light that looks like a ghost shagging a startled penguin.
If I misbehaved in school, my teacher would slap me on the legs with a long item of stationery. Every single time. That was a hard and fast rule.
Got booed offstage in St. Alban's for saying that I loved his work - particularly 'It's My Life'. That one's a banger.
Not saying I was cutting it fine for this flight, but I parked my car at 16:46. I'm currently on the plane, awaiting takeoff. It is 17:07.
Great. Now we'll NEVER find out what Blankety Blank was actually called.
Scott Bryan@scottygb.bsky.social · last wk."The BBC has confirmed Blankety Blank, Celebrity Mastermind and Live at the Apollo will not be returning." "These difficult decisions form part of the BBC’s previously announced first phase of its proposals to make £500m of savings over the next three years." www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/...
Me, booking a hotel: "Ooh! It's just 30,000 reward points for a double room. I've got an account with them! I've stayed with that chain a few times. I wonder how many points I have...". I have 858 points.