Sorry I was so late. I was trying to open one of those thin plastic bags in the produce aisle.

One of my top tippers on OF is quickly becoming my top gifter on Throne 🥹 Thank you, N 😘

I feel like a green fairy in this dress 🧚

thank you to the sweetie pie who gifted me this set I’ve been eyeing for months 😻

So many gorgeous men in Oakland! So glad I’m here for the entire month of September 🥵

What’s your favorite stretching pose?

when you’re low on shampoo but you want to get every last drop before you throw the bottle away

the month isn’t even over yet and I’ve already far exceeded my usual monthly income on OF 🥰

Just drove past a blonde gal wearing booty jorts, cowboy boots, and a camo fanny pack and it took every ounce of willpower I possess to not bark like a dog out the window 😩

My personal trainer wants to hire me to build him a new website but my laptop just bit the dust 😭 I somehow built my personal website on a refurbished 11 yr old MacBook. Should have replaced it years ago but it always got the job done - til now 🙃 There’s a laptop on my wishlist waiting for a hero!

maybe the hottest words that can come out of someone's mouth: "when can I see you again?"

is it hot in here or is it just my OF?

someone said i should wear more red

just saw a cybertruck with a baby on board sticker

What’s your favorite karaoke bar in the Bay Area? Really missing Nick’s karaoke lounge in Oakland. I need some new recommendations.

I only know how to play one song on the piano. Can u guess what it is?

anyone else get turned on by those vibration plate ads that pop up on tiktok? no? just me?? 😅

small boobs big heart 💌

what’s cookin good lookin?

heading to pilates. polymarket is taking bets on which one pops out of this bra first

Hey! It’s the 14-year anniversary of the time I bought 5 bitcoin so I could buy weed gummies on the dark web. In 2012, 5 Bitcoin were ~$50. Today, it would be worth $324,000. But yeah, so glad I was able to get stoned at that Pretty Lights concert 🫪

slammed the brakes so hard I flew through the windshield

I can’t keep gatekeeping my secret to making perfectly moist and fluffy scrambled eggs. But alas, the full ASMR cooking lesson only exists beyond the paywall 🍳

hope everyone is having a good day ☀️

Asking me out for free is like applying to be CEO of Apple just cause you own an iPhone

Do you like my new workout shorts?

splish splash

grilled peaches stole the thunder away from my maple sesame salmon but I’m not mad about it

My most controversial opinion: air conditioning should be illegal in the Bay Area. Why am I shivering at the gym while simultaneously sweating bullets from my cardio workout? It’s a high of 75 degrees outside 90% of the summer. It’s so unnecessary.

you have to be 50% cocky / 50% delulu to wear all white on the first day of merc retrograde