need to feel powerful. need to feel like a god

i would love to slam a huge red button that blows explosive bolts and drops me to my certain death

if you don't die in this game you don't die in real life

oh hey, hold on a sec, I need to fight a dozen terminators … ugh those things are so annoying. what were we talking about?

there won't be a body when I die and nothing is going to add up but there's no mystery or any reason to question the narrative

if i were doing crimes and batman tried to stop me i would just shoot him with a gun. same for superman

hucking bathtub gin molotov at sixteen tentacled robot as V of flying saucers screech overhead

Grocery store cashier: Do you need a bag? Me, having not spoken to another person in real life for a week: I don’t know, big doggie :)

I’m not sure you’re ready to watch a double VHS movie, it’s a lot of responsibility

we shouldn't be standing in a puddle of water holding this prototype soul exchanger (the soul exchanger starts beeping and then gets so hot we both catch on fire and even our bones turn to ash)

lower jaw fixed. upper jaw moving up. well beyond what should be possible, at least a foot, before it stops. now the teeth are growing outward toward you

this is one of the worst ghost dimensions I've been trapped in

(trying to get ahead of it) wow a horde of clones of someone who happens to look exactly like me are about to be on the news

feeding the mothman an apple out of my palm like a friendly horse

created an evil planet oops

having my skull crushed by a metal skeleton hand. so far i can't say i recommend the experience

another alien parasite rejected me

the smartphone in your hand is orders of magnitude faster and more capable than the landing computer used by the Apollo mission so if you haven't used yours to land on the moon yet you must be some kinda loser

I lick all the food at the food factory before it goes out

bonzi buddy slicing my eyeball with his dagger

the ancient gods scream in their cage

if a friend says they're in a time loop you have a duty to believe them

you know what we need? let's grab some beers and go down to the old quarry and zeus some lightning bolts around

there's a new creature, and it's attacking you

i don't think I'm a malevolent supernatural entity whose body needs to be ritualistically separated and buried at different ends of the cemetery but are any of us really willing to take the chance?

bomb implanted in my spine keeps beeping

the nanites in my blood keep healing me wrong since i stopped paying overtime

stop asking why my company's about page skips the 2060s

everyone loves christmas but HATES turdsmas. likely due to politics

going to pick up a glass of water i thought was empty and my megaman proton cannon arm blows a hole through a mile of apartment blocks killing hundreds