Remember when Greg Abbott banned abortion but then said it's okay because he'd "end rape" in Texas? He's done that in the following ways:
This is from 2018 but still applicable to now! By me and @omarg.bsky.social on @mcsweeneys.net.
How to Turn Any Conversation Into One About the Midterm Elections
COWORKER: Got any weekend plans? YOU: Yes, I’m double checking where my polling place is for the midterm elections.
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I'm attending Travis County Democratic Party's event, “Bee Cave Meet and Greet w/ Pooja Sethi and Caitlin Rourk!” - sign up now to join me! #TCDP www.mobilize.us/traviscounty...
Bee Cave Meet and Greet w/ Pooja Sethi and Caitlin Rourk! · Travis County Democratic Party
Join Pooja Sethi, Democratic nominee for Texas House District 47, and Caitlin Rourk, Democratic nominee for Congressional District 10, for a Bee Cave Meet & Greet! Come meet the candidates, hear abo...
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People are talking about Melania, Natalie and Trump like it's some modern day "Dangerous Liaisons" when it's more like two insane seagulls fighting over a rotting piece of chicken in the Dollar Store parking lot.
Is Natalie Hart a Mata Hari or one of the dumber Manson girls?
Did the GOP temporarily halt the digging in Big Bend because someone told them the Epstein files are there?
"Just like the 1890s and the 2020s, they’ll play with the unvaccinated kids down the street and drink raw milk until dark. Then at daybreak, I’ll hand my children their metal lunch pails, button their fifty-button shoes, and they’ll shuffle off to their factory jobs." buff.ly/EOw4Nr5
I’m Giving My Kids a ’90s Summer—the 1890s
“Just like the 1890s and the 2020s, they’ll play with the unvaccinated kids down the street and drink raw milk until dark. Then at daybreak, I’ll hand my chi...
mcsweeneys.net
At first friendless and shy, writer Wendi Aarons opened up and found her inner child at Camp No Counselors. https://www.texasmonthly.com/travel/adult-summer-camp-texas/
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We report on vital issues from politics to education and are the indispensable authority on the Texas scene, covering everything from music to cultural events with insightful recommendations.
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"Dance partner in a high-end pharmaceutical commercial." @mcsweeneys.net
How Gen X Can Make Money in This Economy
“Dance partner in a high-end pharmaceutical commercial.” 6/2/26
mcsweeneys.net
Although it started as a competition for experienced tarpon anglers, today’s Deep Sea Roundup is a classic fishing tournament that attracts anywhere from 400 to 800 mostly Texan participants a year. @wendiaarons.bsky.social texashighways.com/outdoors/tex...
Texas’ Oldest Fishing Tournament Turns 90
Once known as the Tarpon Rodeo, Port Aransas' Deep Sea Roundup continues to hook anglers of all ages
texashighways.com
I live in Central Texas and I have NO idea where the missing giraffe is and neither does my 19 foot high rescue cat.
I live in Central Texas and I have NO idea where the missing giraffe is and neither does my 19 foot high rescue cat.
"Brandon Jackson, who not only found his wallet without blaming his entire family for losing it, but also found it in the pants he was wearing."
Unsung Heroes of Fatherhood
“Brandon Jackson, who not only found his wallet without blaming his entire family for losing it, but also found it in the pants he was wearing.”
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Seersucker pants: Tells you how much you disappoint him while holding a mint julep Swim trunks: Tells you how much you disappoint him while holding a margarita Thrasher sweatpants: Tells you how much you disappoint him while holding a vape pen
Dads of America, as Explained by Their Pants
“Relaxed-fit jeans: Has answered the phone ‘Yello!’ for 40+ years.” JUne 20 2021 June 19 2022 6/17/23 6/16/24 6/13/25 6/19/26
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These are all so damn good @wendiaarons.bsky.social "Josh Mandler, who was tasked with chasing a bat out of the garage, even though he has zero wildlife-wrangling experience and was just as freaked out as everyone else."
Wendi Aarons@wendiaarons.bsky.social · 4mo agoUnsung Heroes of Fatherhood @mcsweeneys.net
"Alice Chambers, who, after three vaginal births, can no longer hiccup without wetting her pants, and who will be honored for her sacrifice with eggs Benedict and a necklace made from rigatoni."
Unsung Heroes of Motherhood
“Alice Chambers, who, after three vaginal births, can no longer hiccup without wetting her pants, and who will be honored for her sacrifice with eggs Benedic...
buff.ly
Today I went on a guided hike at a gorgeous nature preserve as my Mother's Day activity with my son, but there was a "guy that thinks he's hilarious" with the group and seriously, CAN WE JUST HAVE ONE DAY?
Dr Who (Jodie Whitaker) read my Always letter in Benedict Cumberbatch's show!
Is the 2 week ceasefire just so he makes sure he gets our tax payments?
At this point, we have a better chance of being saved by Austin Powers than the US Congress.
I miss the days when his tweets were more "haha a chimp found a typewriter" and less "the syphillis brain worms demand armageddon."
"If you worked at Walter Reed, would you tell someone what was going on with the president?" I used to call my mom from the walk in freezer at my grocery store job to tell her what the neighbors were buying.
Airline Pilot: "Yes, I know you thought we were flying to California, but New Mexico is about 80% of the way so I’m stopping here. Have fun in Albuquerque, everyone!” @mcsweeneys.net www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/if-...
If Women Completed Work Based on Their Percentage of Wages Compared to Men
Surgeon: “Listen, if you wanted more than 53% of your gallbladder removed, you should have used a white male doctor, not a Latina doctor. My advice is to pra...
mcsweeneys.net
Can't we just deploy the cosplaying patriots that play war in the forest every weekend they don't have court supervised time with their kids?
Do I still write US Treasury on my tax payment check or should I just cut out the middle man and write To Donald with Hate?
Pam Bondi would have dumped the bucket of blood on Carrie.
Are the Razzie awards for the worst in film still around? This might be the year to bring them back.
I wrote this for those of us who've told a loved one to get down from a ladder, and those of us who will soon be told to get down from a ladder by our children. Stay safe, people.
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 9mo ago"Now there’s a better way to deal with a senior parent or relative that won’t wait just a goddamn hour until you’re there to help them get something from the top of the closet." www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/int...