Doctor: don’t, under any circumstances, punch your baby in the face Doula: to be honest, some moms do it. It really depends on the baby. You might punch him in the face a little bit and see how it goes

Who could it be?

The older I get the more I appreciate: The Cure, Talking Heads, Neil Young, Cat Stevens And of course Elliott Smith

I’m sorry but there’s just no way to keep him from exacting revenge on his continuously growing list of enemies. A rapidly shrinking number of Americans voted for this

My mom can’t bear to be in silence so her newest thing is looking up shit on Wikipedia and reading the whole page to you. She tries to tell me there’s no autism in my family

The playlist I made for my son’s birth finished about an hour before he was born, so I don’t have a song that was playing for when he was born, but the songs that made me cry the most were “First Day of my Life” and “Friday I’m in Love”

Has anyone called him “Attempted Clavicular Manslaughter”? I feel like that’s probably been done. Seems like an obvious one

Any California Wildlife experts on here? What kind of squirrel is this?

Gomi says hi

Mitch McConnell is alive. Come to a luxurious party at his summer home in the Hampton’s this weekend, and you’ll see him there! Hanging out in a chair wearing his cool sunglasses and enjoying himself

Logging in to annoying people dot com so I can get pissed off

Idk man I still don’t think I really need to hear Nick Fuentes talk ever

Oh no thank you I’m good. I’m on the Horse diet. So I only eat apples, carrots, and a sugar cube when I’m being good

@airbagged.bsky.social I saw this screenshot posted on threads… looks like someone is larping

[talking to myself after time-traveling back to 1998] They don’t even give a fuck about Badtz-Maru now. They have a new one called Kuromi, that’s the only one they care about. Snoopy is cooler than ever though

I’ll be a dad within a month. Kinda crazy when I phrase it that way

Went to see The Odyssey in 70mm with my friend, and afterward he said something to the effect of “it’s the only movie I can think of since Star Wars that has that really clear hero narrative.” This was very funny to me

Saw a guy in an InfoWars hat and I told him I’m also a huge Tim Heidecker fan and said it’s crazy how Alex Jones popped and he called me a demon??? Wtf

The more broken you think you are the more fiercely I will try to befriend you because no, come on, why do you think that? When observable evil exists around us for fall to see

Given the revenue hit Taco Bell is taking because of RFK’s removal of food safety oversight, I could see them suing the Trump admin. Taco Bell v. US Government feels like it would be the thing that finally breaks it.

You’re telling me they killed JFK with one of these?

but I get a lot of likes when I quote-dunk obvious engagement bait designed to enrich the monetized accounts of nazis! you bluesky people just don't get why it's important(for my ego) to help nazis get paid

It brings me no joy to say that Elon Musk made a bet that, no matter how awful he made Twitter, no matter how many Nazis he invited back to the platform, you wouldn’t leave. And he was right.

Remember, it is important to respect the sanctity of life and the tragedy of death with discussing the unfortunate and sudden passing of Mr. Orphan Eater, the man known to eat only orphans live and still screaming in front of television cameras.

I’ve got a horrible idea. You know those beloved characters from that classic movie franchise? Let’s bring them back in service of a hollow advertising campaign?

Don’t let them distract you with Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell is dead too

Oh you don’t drink? Yeah well me I basically never drink. I’m like never drinking. Like this is the first time I’ve drank in a while. I barely even drink at all. In fact I’m so healthy this counts as like negative drinking

Someone committing a sex crime when they had no power is a really good reason to not give them more power actually

The good news is this insane grifter gets no love no matter where she goes