This whole "celebrities should stay out of politics" thing is bs. The subtext here is that politics is somehow a separate thing from being a citizen. Politics govern how we live in every way, from our rights to our bank accounts. If you have a platform, speak up. Be the voice most of us don't have.

@jackiekashian.bsky.social seeing you tonight in Pittsburgh. Let me know if y'all need anything while you're here. Last time I came to see you here, you missed your flight. 🥲

@wikipedia.org I've been donating a bit here and there for years, but I'm done... QUIT ASKING POOR PEOPLE FOR MONEY. Hit up the wealthy celebrities, sports stars and billionaires. I'm literally drowning and you are still wasting time and energy marketing to the lower to lower-middle class.

Teach AI to weed my flower beds.

I go to about 3-4 mics a week, took two classes, write jokes, re-write jokes, listen to comedians talk about comedy... and still it's hard to swallow that I'll never be funnier than the #Vine Allstars.

Let's replace CEOs with AI.

@dunkindonutscoffee.bsky.social doesn't give you anything on your birthday. Lame sauce. For as much as I go there, I should have stock in the company. 😳

I rode the Phantom's Revenge four times in a row (didn't get off the train) in the dark, and I'm pretty sure that's the closest to God I'll ever get. Bless you, Saint Kennywood. #Pittsburgh #Kennywood #yinzers

The time I tried to talk sense to an anti-abortionist. Why do I waste the bandwidth? I was being the most reasonable.

Conservatives don't make sense. WWJD? Probably not waving a sign to protest abortion and condemn lifestyles. Jesus would work on creating a better world so women would feel safer to have a family. Anti-abortionists are only focusing on the symptom. What a waste.

Squeezing in one last rainbow... 🌈✨🧠 #pittsburgh #stainedglass #rainbow

Remember folks. Our president is a pedophile. Yeah, I spelled it out. Ever wonder why social media has us censoring words like this? Scary, because both liberal and conservative folks are doing this. Not good.

Comedy in Altoona! Thanks for letting me razz y'all about your pizza! 🍕🇺🇸

My first ever Pride event! Holy smokes! Why no Pride until now? I'm one of those dispirited gays who would rather play Boggle with a small group of melancholic queers tweaking on lattes than dance in sequins. Luckily there's comedy. 😜 #pittsburghpride #pghcomedy #pittsburgh

You haven't lived until you've followed a cat around the house as it foams up the crushed pill you just gave them, trying to wipe up the gallon of drool in its wake. Worst part was Puff smelling the bit of tuna I added to the mix and trying to eat the drool as it dangled out of Melba's mouth. 😭

I want to start a TV show called Cats in Cars Getting Coffee.

I've been trying to stop using words like stupid and dumb and I've been doing a really good job But now I need a good replacement because that Demi Moore"against-ness" clip pissed me off so bad, and I don't wanna overuse "dizzy bitch"

You can't just get in the car with shit to do on a Friday afternoon and casually turn on the radio to hear "Fake Plastic Trees" without wanting to 📻⤵️🛀🏻... And that's why WYEP was defunded. Jkjkjkjk

I wonder what Orwell would have to say about robots writing things for us.

As an amateur (white) comedian who did Roast Battle League with a Black man this weekend, I'm still processing the Kevin Hart Roast. While it doesn't feel like my place to have an opinion on the level of racism of Hart's roast, I will say about the rest...

Still waiting for @gianteagle.bsky.social to explain. 🫪

Stop greedy jackaloons from ruining the earth. Tale as old as time. c.org/ttbGdVbPwm

Sign the Petition

Stop the construction of data centers in non-industrial areas

c.org

Doing a roast in Erie this weekend. The guy I'm battling is all "yeah, so I heard you have a bug collection." Ha! I do not. I love that that's the word on the streets, though.

My very serious pre-clown face. 😅 I am nearly always in my head SUPER deep before I get on stage. Idk why.

Lost a friend today because I said her ambivalence about MJ being a pedo made me feel sick. (I am a survivor of child sex abuse.) She called my feelings a personal attack, said I'm shaming her and then attacked me and played victim. What kind of behavior is this? Crushed and blindsided tbh.

People going off about the Epstein Files but going to see the Michael Jackson movie. 🙄

Facebook is now showing ads on our walls. Wtf? We are being blasted with ads now more than ever... and wonder why our brains hurt. Depression, anxiety, ADHD... we don't stand a chance.

I had a dream that I made out with Jerry Seinfeld. What's the deal?

I know it's been chaotic lately but it bears repeating: Jeffrey Epstein did not act alone. Arrest them all.

Last night, in my basement, I met the biggest spider I ever met. I escorted it outside with a cup and a piece of paper. I didn't kill it, but not for moral reasons. It was just so big that it would've been a whole crime scene.