It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.
Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
"The Beatles were so high they let Ringo sing a couple of tunes. 'WEEE ALL LIVE IN A YELLA SUBMAREEEN, A YELLA SUBMAREEN..' We..we..we WHAT? We all live in a WHAT? Do you know how fuckin HIGH they were? They had to pull Ringo off the ceiling with a rake to sing that song..." --Bill Hicks
As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.
I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
"Iraq has incredible weapons of mass destruction. Well how do you know? We uh, looked at the reciepts" - Bill Hicks.
Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, "This is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create Republicans."
“I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.” ~Bill Hicks #quote #billhicks
Suddenly, I'm reminded of the old Bill Hicks line: "if he thought he could fly why didn't he take off from the ground first?"
Yeah, good to be here. I haven't been here in two years...[no applause]...thanks. It's that warmth I've missed in Austin. So, we been here, ain't our fault you gotta travel around, shit. We supposed to follow you around? You supposed to be back here. What are you doin', where are you?
Do you think magic mushrooms growing atop cow shit was an accident? Where do you think the phrase, ‘that’s good shit’ came from? Why do you think Hindus think cows are holy? Holy shit!
I can speak for every guy here in this room tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now... watching an empty stage. Boy, my folks are proud of me. "Bill, honey, you still doing that suck-your-own-cock bit?"
Like any good Xennial with aspirations of comedy, I watched/listened to a lot of Bill Hicks. This bit looms large, especially when you think about the fact he died in 1994. In 1994, selling out was less of a choice than it maybe HAD been, but it was still a choice. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp4l...
Bill Hicks - Do A Commercial And You Are OFF The Artistic Roll Call Forever !!!
YouTube video by JBtheModManchester
youtube.com
You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AIDS-infected pitbull.
I’m caught between wishing Bill Hicks was here and being thankful for his sake that he’s not.
"Love All The People" —Bill Hicks Bodhisattva #Love #Peace #Fnord #UnconditionalLove #BillHicks 💖✨ 🫴
Bill Hicks ☑️@billhicksdotcom.bsky.social · 5mo ago"Bill wanted love, peace, food and clothing for all people – idealistic, but maybe one day the world will concentrate more on these ideals than on conflicts." –Mary Reese Hicks
I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.