it’s just me and these pokemon crocs against this harsh earth

i got my covid shot in the neglected corpse of a sears mall 5 years ago. idk just thinking about it is all

there’s food in the fridge but my mind can hear the bell’s chime so alluring and baja me for my sins

cancelling tim at the corner hotdog for not accepting my LEGAL TENDER KOHLS CASH

number 1, take the helm. i need to blast out some flute notes in my quarters and drink that mad green piss. deuces ✌️, picard out

i just embraced my trailer born roots and got a mullet haircut. on the highway, driving back home, my cars muffler gave out making me sound like those loud cars you see all the time and water started dripping out of a cracked door seal. how about that for environmental storytelling

wicker chair for sale. unfathomably used

rock doctor gave it to me straight. i got rocks now. just a bunch of em’

look bruv i’ve been hangin’ out by yer bed most nights on loan from the regular sleep paralysis guy. an’ i gotta tell ya’… youse might need to look into a sleep study, yeah? nearly broke character to wake ya’ cheers mate

you did it. you defeated them with your tweets. you typed so good they imploded.

i touched grass and it gave me the perspective needed to be even more insane online

i think the maga are serious about wanting civil war that’s why they are trying to drag back modern medicine and food safety to 1861

logging off

sorry about all the ichor

“do you have games on your phone”

peter dinklage in that new wicker man movie:

wicker chair for sale. unfathomably used

yes i see you’ve deleted the post we were all mad at and addressed your mistake but have you considered we yearn for The Breaking Wheel?

executive dysfunction? no no it’s quite functional. how else do you explain standing in front of the sink of dishes and not starting to clean them despite screaming inside my mind to do it

the incense ash had formed a full ring before it fell. you are welcome for this riveting footage

For me at least, the two things I don't want a giant robot centaur with horns to do are hold a chainsaw and stare menacingly at me through a door.

Finally someone is thinking of *my* needs 

i'm from new england so all this talk about wanting to get cracked like a glowstick by a wicker man had me thinking you guys were all horny for the Shakers and i was about to let you all down to tell you them mf's were celibate even after marriage

logging on

it’s actually more like 15 minutes because i was slow posting twitch.tv/cult_papa

“don’t get ahead of yourself” - worst salesman at the bust factory

captain i’m calling space HR

remember when they put tasha yar in the telletubbies land and then fucked off

you can’t post yourself mentally well. not me though im good at this. look how well i am