listen up democrats: we did not vote for you for y'all to find common ground and reach across the aisle. we voted for you to crush our enemies, to see them driven before us, to hear the lamentations of their women
Mike Johnson has disabled notifications and the “no jorkin it” app for the night
Severely weakening the executive branch on America's 250th anniversary is filling me with such weird horny patriotic vibes
#BREAKING: The Department of Libbing Out has adjusted its readiness level to LIBCON 4
white south african refugees waking up tomorrow in the middle of the atlantic
GOD I JUST REMEMBERED MIKE JOHNSON ISN'T GONNA BE FUCKING SPEAKER LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO
@somemorenews.bsky.social I bet @michaelianblack.bsky.social could get you in touch with Meghan
You're all about to learn which of your coworkers were secretly huge assholes this whole time
Just got all my boys together to take on the wandering ronin who came to town. There’s like 15 of us and only one of him so pretty much the only thing that would give me any pause is if he was master of the devastating and lightning-fast iaidō style. But that’s not likely. Coward hasn’t even drawn h
You know how, during the tutorial in halo (2001) when they overcharge your shields for a sec and your controller vibrates, and then your shields pop, and your controller stops, and the shield is gone and the indicator is flashing red and your suits alarm is going off? That's a metaphor for cumming.
There was a split second watching that video of that Tommy nerd asking that question where I thought maybe it was Will Forte doing a bit
His palms are sweaty, Hands wet, fingers sweaty, There's sweat on his hands already, Thumbs so sweaty
People in glass houses shouldn't stomp and jump around in high heels
Ghostwriter surfing through cyberspace and soaking up the exabytes of ai slop and trying to kill himself again
His palms are sweaty, Hands wet, fingers sweaty, There's sweat on his hands already, Thumbs so sweaty
"Bluesky is dying" everything is dying. I am dying. You are dying. Everyone you love is dying. Entropy always increases. Everything and everyone lasts for but a fraction of a moment. Accept it. Cherish that fraction of a moment.
"Bluesky is dying" listen i am not looking for quantity; i am looking for 25 to 45 motherfuckers with the very same mental illness as I
Trying to read Harrison Bergeron but my phone keeps buzzing with Bluesky notifications. I consider introspecting on this, but someone just liked my shitpost and I revel in that before going back to whatever it was I was doing
Just realizing that i didn't see a single "ted cruz accidentally retweeted porn starring a woman who kinda looks like his wife" riff on 9/11 this year
They called it Godzilla Minus Zero because that's how interested i am on a scale of 1 to 10 to see it. Minus Zero !!!!
Bluesky 38 2027, the winners are bestowed peace by getting banned from this site