Matt Ufford

@mattufford.bsky.social

Yahoo Sports guy, area bird enthusiast

on 9/11 I was a boot lieutenant in the Marines watching the news unfold on 1st Tank Battalion HQ's lone TV set. The Bn XO Major Slaughter –– actual rank and name; he consumed nothing but coffee and Ripped Fuel –– materialized in the doorway, looked at all of us, and sneered "GET BACK TO WORK."

ME: I will not let the new season prevent me from savoring my team's Super Bowl victory. whatever happens, I will maintain my perspective and gratitude. ALSO ME: if the Seahawks lose I will drink a can of gasoline

this is my pledge to you: if I ever have to play 5 hours of tennis that culminates in a 5th-set tiebreak in front of thousands of fans, I will poop diarrhea down both legs and then melt into the puddle of diarrhea