Oh whoa. "Turd Sucka" and 4 others liked this post. I'm gonna tell the whole family at the dinner table tonight.
Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
@dumbmike.bsky.social
I run a kill shelter for small dogs 💖
Welcome to the 𝗜𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗽. If you're going into the dark cave, you'll need to bring some 𝗪𝗮𝘅 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲𝘀. How would you like to pay? ➖ Buy 1 (10 gold). ➖ Buy 5 (50 gold). ➡️ Strangle the shopkeeper.
Ever since I was a young child - maybe my earliest memory, actually - my only desire has been to cut apart a living human being with a laser produced from the center of my mind. MY DATE: ok now what about siblings? mm how many
Jar Jar: Meesa no knowing what dat is mister Jedi Qui-Gon: Why don’t you have a taste, Jar Jar? It’s quite safe. But you mustn’t bite
Welcome to the 𝗜𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗽. If you're going into the dark cave, you'll need to bring some 𝗪𝗮𝘅 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗹𝗲𝘀. How would you like to pay? ➖ Buy 1 (10 gold). ➖ Buy 5 (50 gold). ➡️ Strangle the shopkeeper.
Today marks a very special day in science fiction literature. May I present to you, "There Will Come Soft Rains" by Ray Bradbury:
If there's one key I've learned in 25 years of marriage it's this: a wife needs a spray bottle of Pet Odors Plus enzymatic carpet cleaner to spray on the jet nozzle setting directly in her man's eyes whenever he thinks against her wishes.
Oh my god the dietician who is telling everyone in the White House to only eat steak and sauerkraut doesn't wipe his ass.
DC insiders are whispering that President Trump has asked Jeanine Pirro for a secretive meeting at the Blood Palace's famous "Cannon Room for Exploding Women".
Whose woods these are I think I know. He's Mario's evil cousin though.
Today marks a very special day in science fiction literature. May I present to you, "There Will Come Soft Rains" by Ray Bradbury:
DC insiders are whispering that President Trump has asked Jeanine Pirro for a secretive meeting at the Blood Palace's famous "Cannon Room for Exploding Women".
Donald Trump is, *sigh* a dastard.
the only draft I've ever written and I got bored before I even finished. didn't even remember writing it, deleting immediately.
richie@theregoesrichie.bsky.social · 4d agojoining the rotary just to go around a few times
ME: Can I use the bathroom? FRIEND: End of the hall. Sorry about the mess. And all the shower mildew. And the pissman. Just kick him if he gets between you and the toilet. DON'T piss on him. MR: He's not leaving. FRIEND: Kick him way harder than you think. PISSMAN: Kick so hard you piss a little...
when you just keeping hitting the middle word in the phone's autosuggest
DANA BASH: You are the secretary of HHS. Do you take any responsibility for increased vaccine hesitance in the American public? A MEATBALL MADE OF BLEEDING HUMAN MEAT: "..." DANA BASH: It's my wonderful pleasure having you on, sir.
Hello. My name is "First Buddy" Elon Musk. Open your womb to my glop.
I've always been mildly annoyed by Hank Green, but what he's suffering now is a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (the guilt of releasing a youtube video about shaving his ass with a tiktoker named 'Soupytime')
MEN: you and your TV night buddy are streaming old reruns when real low he says "damn Diagnosis: Murder always gets me hard as hell" and shows you. You going skin to skin lap style or wait for end credits first?
I'm seating down for for spiderming :)
ME: One lonely ticket to Spider-Man: Brand New Day please. CASHIER: $13.50. ME: Nothing on earth could get between me and seeing the latest adventures of this miraculous teenaged boy. CASHIER: (rapidly hitting button under desk) ME: Uh uh. I disabled it last night when no one else was awake.
