(noticing how closely the word "orange" resembles the word "aren't") There's gotta be a way to turn this into a joke
My AI has escaped containment…. It’s taken over the flower-wearing-sunglasses-and-holding-a-small-plastic-guitar statue I keep on my desk and is causing it to dance maliciously to the beat of Bachmann-Turner Overdrive’s “Takin' Care of Business”
The thing about TSA is that it’s stupid and bad but also the people doing it are extremely stupid and bad at their job
Today’s teens have started performing their dreaded Teen Takeovers in the Under Armour aisle at Dick’s Sporting Goods, preventing many healthy middle aged men from having safe access to shirts of sufficient breathability and bicep room
Ordering off the secret menu at the barbershop to get my haircut "animal style"
Is there no one in Game of Thrones Land doing any scientific inquiries at all? You'd think someone over there would have invented the internal combustion engine by now
If I was The Cyclops I'd be like Hey, you know, I'm also 40 feet tall
One cool thing about driving a car is that when you bust off huge pieces of your car due to crashing into objects due to not looking out of your windshield, you can just leave the huge busted off car pieces wherever, just leave them on the side of the street or blocking the sidewalk, it's fine
Hey if you're in Chicago come see me at the Trashland Zine Fest on Sunday at the Empty Bottle, 11am-4pm
The Taylor Swift / football guy wedding is so romantic. Sources close to the real couple are reporting that they've even written their own NDAs, to be exchanged during the ceremony
nyc friends be careful outside today. its even worse than yesterday, the 2019 film about a man who remembers the beatles
Getting Matthew Modine pilled (cooking down Matthew Modine’s body and consuming the solid by-products)
Watching the news and apparently all employees of a local Dominos have been sentenced to death for how bad they are at cutting the pizzas. It seems they were just mushing the cutters into the pizzas and not actually cutting them all the way through and now they all have to get lethal injection
“Too shabby!!! Too shabby!!!!!” - me when something is too shabby
Well, it happened again. I got put on the jumbotron at the grocery store and everyone booed my groceries
That’s a great question, the reason I trained my chimpanzee to perform reiki is that when it goes right chimpanzee reiki is actually 4-5x stronger than human reiki
