@fernballew.bsky.social
Currently: Contributor at @theonion | Formerly: @WhiskeyJournal, @pitchjokes | Rejected by: @REALpunknews, @Reductress, @StephenAtHome, @verge, TK
One of the best things that can happen while watching a skate video is thinking you’re about to see a tre flip and actually seeing a varial flip. Feels like breaking free from the Matrix.
Trying to decide between John Wilson and Bill Strobeck who’s given more false hope to white boys with video cameras
Once again thinking about how we desperately need to redistribute the wealth within skateboarding back to those doing the actual skateboarding.
Jamie Thomas won’t stop until he’s sponsored every skater who had a show on MTV.
You’re laughing? A coworker goes out on a limb to try and bond by showing you a viral skateboarding video and you’re laughing???
Data centers poisoning your water and raising your energy bills don't care that you voted for the safe candidate.
This is the 6th time we have created skaters wearing skinny jeans, and we have grown exceedingly efficient at it.
Submitting my application to be King Skateboard’s warehouse and fulfillment manager based on this clip alone.
Nick Boserio skates like he’s fleeing the scene of a crime (complementary)
Imagine telling him he needs to make short form content to engage with the algorithm
Just got fired from Thrasher’s social media team for posting “This guy’s got the juice!”
Any song can be a great skate part song if your editor is brave enough.
Voters deserves a piece of data centers which is why my first act as Governor will be to send crowbars, sledgehammers, and blow torches to every Wisconsinite.
Horrified by the dwindling literacy rates of moderate Democrats based on their complete inability to read the room
Breaking into the skateboard industry (committing armed robbery at SUPREME)
Socialism never took root in skateboarding because the unsponsored see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed pros.
Midwesterner who opposes data centers only out of fear they will lead to beer shortages
Not LA and not NYC but a secret third American skateboarding hub (Chicago)
he ran against the full force of the zionist establishment and won. unbelievable victory