Handyman Jay strikes again 😎 I took my PS5 controller apart to try and fix an issue, and I not only made the problem worse but introduced a brand new malfunction. Dm me for any tech repair jobs you may have for me

BlueNightSky. An envoy sighs with relief as he enters a guest bedroom in a country estate, pulls the face off his watch, & says, into it, “Operation chrysanthemum is a go! Repeat, chrysanthemum a go!” His back turned to it—a wardrobe door silently opens.

Just once, I wish someone special would look me in the eye as we stand on top of a burning skyscraper and say: "You know, we're not so different, you and I."

One day I hope to sell my Bluesky account to a new poster and become Poster Emeritus

Picture this scene: a man is watching Mindhunter season 2. He gets to the cliffhangers at the end of episode 9. He assumes that there are 10 episodes. He's confident in that fact. There are only 9 episodes. I was that man. This is my story

I matched with a freshwater mermaid who hunts fishermen with her poison tipped claws every sickle moon on Hinge. AGAIN

In 2019, The Avengers took on an impossibly powerful guy in order to save the universe. This Summer, watch them reunite to take on an impossibly powerful guy in order to save the universe

It's all fun and games yelling, "Is there a doctor in the house?" at 3am until someone answers "yes" from the shadows

To all of you complaining about the heat, I'll have you know that here in the Southern Hemisphere, my feet are very cold. Just think about that. Icy cold feet, puts it in perspective doesn't it

I'm busy auditioning to ghostwrite a Scottish historical regency romance novel, so now would probably be a great time to learn what the heck that is

Every recipe video on YouTube is titled like: These Garlic Cornflakes Are So Good You'll Make Them Every Hour. They'll Make You Weep Blood Every Time You Think You'd Prefer Pizza, Which Is Inferior To These Garlic Cornflakes

Who would have thought that the value of a bird is so dependent on whether they're in your hand or a bush. The economy is weird

Seems weird to me that America has a holiday dedicated to a 1996 Will Smith film, but who am I to judge

If you hear someone pronounce Mario as "Marry-oh" then you are allowed to perform a citizen's arrest

You can have a billion dollars IF you say the word 'écureuil' and have your pronunciation approved by a Parisian

The problem is the sun dissolves my bones & will to live & I turn into the most melancholy Tennessee Williams character.

I learned a great new French phrase. If you wanna say "Are you fuckin' kidding me?" all classy-like, say: "Tu te fous de ma gueule."

I always find it funny when someone has to begin a letter or email to someone they hate with "Dear"

rapunzel's hair suffering the effects of climb-it change

I know it's not politically correct to say this these days, but when people say "no pun intended," they almost always did intend it. They went out of their way to use that pun. I'm sick of the lies

A freelancer on Upwork ended their review for a client with: "Is this company a circus? Because this guy is a clown!" Beautiful, no notes

You gotta love being ghosted by a client who owes you $200. Living the dream, hashtag livelovelaugh

Call me old fashioned, but I consider it a red flag if someone knows even one way to skin a cat

People in Metropolis act like they've never seen a bird or a plane before smh

People I match with on dating apps are not into answering my riddles three

8 hobbits is called a hobbyte

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it do your taxes for you, not unless you want it riddled with errors

who called it a territorial dispute and not ground beef

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid to announce that this speech will contain some further ado

I started hissing like a forest vampire in response to my fellow tenants declaration that I should get with the times and use AI to help write my stories