Someone has cut the lawns of mine and my neighbours' houses to read "Truly" in one, "Madly" in the next, and "Deeply" in the one after that. I think it might be the work of a savage gardener.
Glum Rock
@jimblower.bsky.social
Left to my own devices I probably wouldn't.
Saw an assistant in the shop knock over a big stack of toothpaste today. He looked somewhat crestfallen.
Just built a house entirely out of electrical resistors. There's no place like ohm.
Such a shame... I've found a few chicks on the floor beneath the housemartin nest recently. Probably runts of the brood thrown out by the others. Nature can be so cruel. On the positive side, however, I never realised how delicious they are.
That's nothing. I was ready to roll out 100 million leeches for blood letting... ...and had 8 bishops on speed-dial across the country ready to manufacture thousands of mega-litres of holy water.
Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · last wk.Peter Navarro: "I had a million doses of hydroxychloroquine in warehouses as the defense policy coordinator that I was trying to distribute to hospitals. And Fauci got the FDA stop me from doing that."
Advert for Big Ben apprentice role: Wanted: Enthusiastic young person to right the dongs of the past. Hands-on role. Remuneration in the form of a toll-rate. And please... ...no chime-wasters.
DEAR BBC AND STV,""BREAKING NEWS""!!NEWS YOU NEVER REPORT!,so for every Scot, A SENIOR GLASGOW LABOUR POLITICIAN HAS QUIT HER ROLE,AS THERES AN ENQUIRY INTO A CONTRACT WORTH £4M GIVEN TO HER SONS COMPANY??? NOT A PEEP,TENT ZERO.its LABOUR,UNIONIST LABOUR,..ARE YOU AWAKE YET FELLOW SCOTS
Burnham becoming PM is like J. J. Abrams doing a reboot of Starmer Trek casting Chris Pine in the lead.
My birthday isn't until November and yet I saw cakes and cards in the shops today. Honestly, it gets earlier every year.
Top Tip: Tell any women you happen upon to "stand very still while the AI works its magic", to make everyone think you have a pair of those expensive smart glasses on. Top Tip Supplement: Remember to put some glasses on before you go out.
Got knocked off my bike by a salt truck this morning... 'YOU IDIOT!' I shouted through gritted teeth...
I see Bill Cosby has published his autobiography.
Helen Day@lbflyawayhome.bsky.social · last wk.Ladybird book in the spotlight Sleeping Beauty (1965) Artist: Eric Winter
I've just installed Poogle Shoelace on my phone. The AI engine monitors the 3D accelerometers embedded in the device to detect when you trip up. Poogle Shoelace will then tell you your shoelaces were undone. Notifications must be enabled, and it will need your National Insurance number.
Contingency plans for dealing with US missile shortage leaked.
Someone's been putting it around that I've been cutting the bottoms out of all the cardboard boxes in the supermarket. I want to make it clear that these are baseless allegations.
I hesitate to say this with the seriousness of the cuts to funding for Jodrell Bank - but surely they should have seen it coming a long way off.
Looking for a cheap fridge on Facebook Marketplace. It thought I might be also interested in buying a speedboat. 🙄
Post Office sacked me for gross negligence. This is unfair as I've only ever lost 143 parcels.
Today's piece of irony... I had an issue with a jigsaw - one that cuts wood - so I decided to dismantle it and sort it out. Now I don't know how all the pieces go back together. ...I'm going to start with the corners.
