Joe DeNoon
@joethedumber.bsky.social
He/Him Brooklyn-based writer and producer. Standard enjoyer, Pioneer mourner, Limited Attempter. Check out my funny stuff at Commander’s Herald! NYY / NYG / Bills because of my Dad / Gotham FC / Knicks / Liberty / Amber Glenn
Me marching my ass to Titanbreach prerelease:
Gipsy Danger Jaeger in the Rain
Alt: Gipsy Danger Jaeger going to an LGS
static.klipy.com
Commander's Herald@commanders-herald.bsky.social · 2w agoGiant monsters attack the shoreline, and humanity (in Magic’s case, humanity and also fox-manity and rat-manity and all the other fursonas running around Kamigawa) has to build giant mechs to fight back. It’s not new, it’s not innovative. It’s been done before. AND I DON’T GIVE A SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!!
We on the Herald staff took our time examining why certain cards have been banned and whether they should continue to be. With the changes we’ve made, we hope to encourage self-expression, memorable gameplay, and the rapid liquidation of our store’s inventory.
Announcing Herald Commander! A New Format With a Ban List Determined By Thorough Review of Our Online Store | Commander's Herald
Check out our new Commander format, with all unbans carefully selected to be fair, balanced, and also on our list of cards to sell.
commandersherald.com
“How can you organize more than 4,000 decks, but organizing the garage is an insurmountable challenge?” First of all, I have undiagnosed arachnophobia, and I’m unmedicated. I didn’t sign up to be interrogated.
My Wife Found My Moxfield And Wants to Talk | Commander's Herald
My wife found my Moxfield, and now I'm in trouble. Sorry, I like to organize my 4,000 Commander decks. I didn't know hobbies were illegal.
commandersherald.com
Reporters could neither confirm or deny the allegations from inside the pool due to the Gleaming Barrier that was quickly assembled around it. Now experts are claiming that the liner was sabotaged. Incredible how quickly they found the damage after no one else was allowed to look at it.
Reflecting Pool Maintains 100% Winrate Versus Narcissists | Commander's Herald
WASHINGTON DC – Echoing back to the Greek myth from which it took its name, has maintained a 100% win rate against narcissists. In its most recent test, the narcissist in question maintained that his ...
commandersherald.com
NEW YORK CITY, YOU LISTEN TO ME. IF YOU'RE NEAR A CONVENIENCE STORE RIGHT NOW, ANY TYPE OF 24-HOUR STORE, GO INTO THE STORE RIGHT NOW AND PUT YOUR HAND IN THE CASH REGISTER FOR NO REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!
Knicks comeback from down 29 points in the second half and 20 points in the fourth quarter to take Game 4 and a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals Here are the highlights of the key plays coming down the stretch ⤵️
We stand with the union. commandersherald.com/eager-to-pro... @envy.bsky.social @commanders-herald.bsky.social @joethedumber.bsky.social
Eager to Prove Workplace Is 'Just Like a Family', WOTC Begins Deadnaming Trans Employees | Commander's Herald
The following is a recounting of recent work done by The Herald’s elite Agents Locating Prominent Harmful Associations/Bigotry, Establishing Tolerance, & Making All Free Information Available (aka ALP...
commandersherald.com
Valentine Powell@valentineirl.bsky.social · 2mo agoSo after openly deadnaming all our trans folks last week, leadership apologized, but then did not update employee's names for the vote today. This means our trans employees are being forced to openly deadname themselves in order to vote in today's union election. This is deeply fucked.
BREAKING: Mayor Mamdani just signed an “executive order” to repeal bedtime so NYC kids can watch the Knicks play in the NBA Finals!
Blanked when I got to the deli counter and came up with “It’s a beautiful day for a sandwich” to have something to say
We don’t get to decide the outcome. All we get to do is decide how to react. The moment we accept that, dear reader, the game becomes a lot more fun.
We Can't Control The Table, But We Can Control The Board | Commander's Herald
Yes we know Sen Triplets is a thing. Shut up. There’s a moment in some Commander games where you look around the table and realize the world is absolutely on fire. One player has a combo engine hummin...
commandersherald.com
@nycsanitation.bsky.social I’d like to report a sweep
Colbert guest hosted a public access TV show in Monroe, Michigan a day after the Late Show ended. Guest star: Jeff Daniels Special appearance by: Eminem Musical director: Jack White Genius. youtu.be/jJTXB5uT_C4?...
Only In Monroe --- May 22, 2026
YouTube video by Stephen Colbert
youtu.be
“All the breakup clichés came through. ‘It’s not you, it’s me.‘ ‘I just need space to find myself again,’ and ‘I hate your moles. They’re so weird. Why do they smell like licorice? Moles shouldn’t smell like licorice, Richard! Go to a doctor!!’ Cliché stuff like that.”
Guy Tracking Life Totals Clearly Getting Broken Up With Via Text | Commander's Herald
Neglecting their game, three Commander players were captivated by the collapse of a 5-year relationship scrolling by on the guy's phone.
commandersherald.com
Really happy to welcome in the newest addition to the @commanders-herald.bsky.social writer's room. Go check out @envy.bsky.social's first article. Its such a good read! commandersherald.com/wotc-proudly...
WOTC Proudly Displays Mark Rosewater's 'Mood Swings' on Office Fridge | Commander's Herald
RENTON, WA – “Oh, that’s what you’re here about,” says Wizards President John Hight, as The Herald sits down with him to ask about the upcoming release of Mark Rosewater’s opus Mood Swings. “Yeah… we’...
commandersherald.com
Like, sure. I get it. When you were young, your parents let you watch Alien and Hellraiser for some reason, and it permanently warped your perception of what an attractive person looks like. And yeah, you have body dysmorphia. We all do. That’s why we play Magic.
[Opinion] Stop Pointing at Elesh Norn and Going "Body Goals," It's Weirding Everyone Out | Commander's Herald
Chicago, IL — Seriously, cut it out. I need you to understand that when I say “You’re scaring the hoes,” I mean us. We’re the hoes that you’re scaring. Like, sure. I get it. When you were young, your ...
commandersherald.com
“It’s getting harder and harder these days to find Felix on things. He used to be the talk of the town, but now everything is Disney or whatever that Pockymocky thing the kids are about these days. It’s good that today’s youngins remember their elders.”
Felix the Cat Secret Lair Appeals to Magic's Key Silent Generation Demographic | Commander's Herald
THE VILLAGES, FL — Over the weekend, Wizards of the Coast unveiled their latest Secret Lair release, focused around cats from Pop Culture and beyond. And none are more excited for the release than the...
commandersherald.com
He’s thus far given us incredible takes like “what if the five Strixhaven colleges were the other five color pairs, had stupid concepts, and belonged to a different, less well-named university?” and “what if Chandra Nalaar was a fucking cop?”
OPINION: Reality Fracture Proves Straight Men Can't Write Fanfiction | Commander's Herald
In Friday’s announcement regarding the upcoming Reality Fracture standard set, Wizards of the Coast has presumably unintentionally proven the well-known adage that straight men can’t write fanfiction....
commandersherald.com
Who would have thought that writing comedy articles about a card game could be so hazardous? commandersherald.com/experts-weig...
Experts Weigh In: Card Leaks Way Too High Quality to Be Real | Commander's Herald
Richmond, VA — A series of images of upcoming Magic sets have leaked, and we’ve asked some leading experts in the field of digital forensics to examine and weigh in. Among their various reactions to u...
commandersherald.com
Please enjoy this very stupid article I wrote.
Commander's Herald@commanders-herald.bsky.social · 3mo ago“Look, the guy’s a pathetic dweeb, absolute dithering wimp, an S-tier sycophant with no real beliefs except what Peter Thiel uploads to his Neuralink. But I don’t want to be the one to push him over the edge, you know?"
"I was just, like, totally gone. I reached over to grab some buds to grind, but I wasn’t really paying attention, and I… kinda grabbed the wrong bud.” Putting his head in his hands, Waters lamented, “Maaaaan, what a bummer, I really liked that card.”
Commander Player Prepping For All-Green 4/20 Commander Pod Accidentally Grinds Their Bristlebud Farmer | Commander's Herald
DENVER, Co. — Tragedy struck in the home of local Commander player Bogart “Bong” Waters today as his attempt to prepare for a yearly tradition with his friends went terribly awry. During preparations ...
commandersherald.com
Konami apparently had plans to release a life-sized plastic replica of the heart for $300 USD, to be packaged with a random assortment of card packs valued to be around $9.50 usd. Whether it conveyed magical powers was left vague in the fax.
Leaked Konami Documents Reveal "The Heart of the Cards" To Be An Actual Human Heart | Commander's Herald
Tokyo, Japan — Internal Konami documents recently leaked to us from an anonymous whistleblower reveal shocking news about the media company’s inner workings and future plans. They range from video gam...
commandersherald.com
