Tessera

RM@dorsalstream.bsky.social · 4mo ago

why did i cry though

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me. It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake

By A Horse

Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me is hay and oats. But I am thinking it would be nice to have a different food.

I am thinking I would like to try cake.

Yes, yes. Cake. I know all about it. When humans eat cake, it is in glad times. It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47. I have seen cake on the Fourth of July. When humans have a cake, they stand around it and clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other. Sometimes there are beautiful markings on a cake, such as balloons or a pink shape.

Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy.

Please understand: I do not get money for doing work. I do not get to go inside the house. All I am either doing my horse job or standing in my pen or eating food off the floor. I always do these things. But I have never once gotten cake and I would like it very much.

I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children. I am more helpful to the farm. Children do not move the heavy things like me or let anyone ride on them. And yet they get cake. Maybe the humans will realize this. Maybe they will say, "You know who deserves cake? That horse. That horse whose back we are always on."

Every day I dream about what it will be like if I get to eat cake. Here is what will happen. First, I will walk to the cake and putt my nose at it like hrrfff to make and stomping my hooves to make sure it is not a snake. Then I will trot in a circle to show that I am a horse and I am large. After that, I will nuzzle the cake to …

March Xmas 2026@marchxness.bsky.social · 4mo ago

Substack tourney recap coming your way this weekend but we wanted to invite you to our HIT REPEAT UNTIL I HATE MUSIC ZOOM book launch TUES 5pm Pacific / 8pm Eastern. Register: tinyurl.com/hitrepeat

Kodiak is really pumped about the @marchxness.bsky.social anthology!

A large tan dog poses with the March Xness anthology, HIT REPEAT UNTIL I HATE MUSIC. The dog looks thrilled and his tongue is lolling out of his doofy mouth.

Split/Lip Press@splitlippress.com · 4mo ago

It’s time! I am beyond honored my extracurricular essay on how grunge did NOT kill glam metal is included among such stellar work!

Happy Publication Day to the Official @marchxness.bsky.social Selection Committee, @angermonsoon.bsky.social and @meganc.bsky.social, and the long awaited, never duplicated HIT REPEAT UNTIL I HATE MUSIC: THE MARCH XNESS ANTHOLOGY!!! www.splitlippress.com/product-page...

cover of March Xness Anthology, a yellow book with a cassette tape on the cover

March Xmas 2026 @marchxness.bsky.social · 4mo ago

THE March Sadness National Championship: (6) Ben Folds Five's "Brick" & @cicilybennion.bsky.social against (1) Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" & @mfitejohnson.bsky.social! Listen to the songs! Read the essays! Which is the saddest? YOU DECIDE (by 9am AZ time 3/31): marchxness.com#/sadnesscham...

James Charlesworth @jamcharlesworth.bsky.social · 4mo ago

honestly, glad to see that we can all still take a little time to hate Duke

Collective Soul & I are down big at the half but hope still lingers on! We've been here before & have shown we're a 2nd half team--still plenty of time for a comeback! Still plenty of time to READ & VOTE "THE WORLD I KNOW" by Noon ET Wednesday! @marchxness.bsky.social marchxness.com/elite8-colle...

3/24, Elite 8: (6) Collective Soul vs (13) Ani DiFranco — March Sadness 90s Edition

marchxness.com

I know we keep talking about the decline of the iphone keyboard, but mine seriously just autocorrected "the weekend" to "The Weeknd"

and since we have been talking about music and cultural impact throughout March Sadness, this is just a tiny reminder that I wrote a novel inspired by the “baby groupie” era in 70s rock and its impact www.harpercollins.com/products/the...

The Cover Girl

"Thrilling and glamorous as its runways and backstage parties, The Cover Girl is also heartbreaking and redemptive with an ending that made me cry. Bir...

harpercollins.com

Congrats to @erinkeane.bsky.social and GNR! It’s an honor to go out to a song whose lyrics I hung up on my wall in 10th grade and to such a great essay — as a conflicted GNR superfan, I loved it. And thanks to everyone who read about this song and my dad and got a country song to the Sweet 16! ❤️

MARCH SADNESS 90S EDITION SWEET 16 DAY 3 FINAL SCORES: Round Here 177, Via Chicago 135 November Rain 137, Go Rest High on That Mountain 107 Congrats to the Crows / @mlfaliveno.bsky.social and GnR / @erinkeane.bsky.social for their victories!

Martin Seay@martinseay.bsky.social · 5mo ago

you too can vote for the unquestionable sadness of “Go Rest High” marchxness.com#/sweet16-gnr...

March Sadness 90s Edition

A yearly March Madness-style tournament of essays about songs we love (and occasionally loathe)

marchxness.com

All the essays are great. Read 'em if you haven't. I continue to not find "November Rain" especially sad, & while "Go Rest High" isn't a variety of sad that I especially connect with, it's unquestionably sad as hell, & a good song, too. So it gets my @marchxness.bsky.social vote.

Susanna Donato @susannadonato.bsky.social · 5mo ago

C’mon now. “Go Rest High on the Mountain” is a sad song, and @mossyair.bsky.social ‘s essay is sad and beautiful. Plus, it makes me think poignantly of my late grandma, singing “In the Garden” in her hospice room, the uneasy way of feeling loved by a song that might not even align with who you are.

MARCH SADNESS 90S EDITION SWEET 16 DAY 3 HALFTIME SCORES: Via Chicago 111, Round Here 93 November Rain 97, Go Rest High on That Mountain 85 Read, listen, vote by 9am 3/20 at marchxness.com

Melissa Faliveno @mlfaliveno.bsky.social · 5mo ago

Let’s go team crows! We’re down at the half and need your help! 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

MARCH SADNESS 90S EDITION SWEET 16 DAY 3 HALFTIME SCORES: Via Chicago 111, Round Here 93 November Rain 97, Go Rest High on That Mountain 85 Read, listen, vote by 9am 3/20 at marchxness.com

also I respect that more of our voting population has an emotional connection to GNR than Vince Gill but I do beg of you to watch the "Go Rest High" video and just gaze upon the sheer amount of 90s Ricky Skaggs brings to the proceedings marchxness.com/sweet16-gnrv...

3/19, Sweet 16: (1) Guns n’ Roses vs (12) Vince Gill — March Sadness 90s Edition

marchxness.com

is 12 votes insurmountable? probably! but you can still vote... I love the GNR-Vince Gill matchup because it is so fully my 90s -- going from country music to hard rock. and I love the contrast of restraint and excess in these songs. it's pure @marchxness.bsky.social! marchxness.com/sweet16-gnrv...

3/19, Sweet 16: (1) Guns n’ Roses vs (12) Vince Gill — March Sadness 90s Edition

marchxness.com

MARCH SADNESS 90S EDITION SWEET 16 DAY 3 HALFTIME SCORES: Via Chicago 111, Round Here 93 November Rain 97, Go Rest High on That Mountain 85 Read, listen, vote by 9am 3/20 at marchxness.com

Melissa Faliveno @mlfaliveno.bsky.social · 5mo ago

Dad, what were you like in the 90s? Read my essay on Round Here by @countingcrows.bsky.social to find out! It’s up today in the Sweet Sixteen of @marchxness.bsky.social, 90s Sadness edition (aka my entire personality) and we need your help! Read the essays and vote! marchxness.com#/sweet16-cro...