What I wouldn't give to be a new sheriff in a small and remote town with a dark secret.

Imagine being a dumb celebrity and paying a bunch of money for Ozempic when all you have to do is eat some produce from your local grocery store and hope you survive.

I think it's like 'fungi' with the 'i' at the end.

Pizza Las Vegas@muyrando.bsky.social · 18h ago

What's the plural of "dingus?" I want to get this open letter to my followers just right.

What's the plural of "dingus?" I want to get this open letter to my followers just right.

The sheer amount of dairy currently in my system would stymie even the heartiest Wisconsinite.

The fact that dino nuggets don't come in a spicy variety is anti-adult discrimination!

Can I start wearing fingerless gloves just for the heck of it or do I need to join a 1980s street gang? Also, would you like to join my street gang? Yes, I will provide fingerless gloves.

the lingering will continue until morale improves

Mail-in voting? Buddy, if you ask me, there should be more females in voting.

I'm beginning to suspect there may be some falsehoods and misinformation on the internet.

We should really stick it to Canada by referring to them as "North America."

Bought the jumbo bag of pizza rolls because I'm worth it

Pretty messed up that I haven't had to dissect anything or use a Bunsen burner in almost 20 years.

You are pushing it at a suboptimal level at best, Salt-N-Pepa would be so disappointed in you.

Sometimes, I lie down in the woods and wonder what life would be like if I stopped falling out of trees

I'm getting pretty tired of that one guy not dying.

Starts handing out my favourite skeet’s in business card form to random strangers.

*puts a little love in your heart* *Your heart only takes diesel*

💔

*Uber Eats a gun*

I know, I know. All that snow and ice.

Pizza Las Vegas@muyrando.bsky.social · 7d ago

Not me, not this pizza.

[San Francisco] Me: Have any of you guys seen a heart around here? Is there a lost and found?

Y'all still have standards and expectations? That's crazy! Good luck with that.

I didn't drink this weekend and I feel great, but at what cost?

You can’t handle the unrestrained violence of my meatloaf recipe.

Make me want to kill myself Theme skeets

Ok, but that about the enemy of my enemy of my enemy?

It's funny when you post at a time of day when you're basically the only game in town and most people will read what you wrote and say "no thanks."

The best version of myself? Buddy, that was back when I was in my original packaging, it's been a steady decline since I left the womb.