The Sun has finally come out here today, as if we didn't already know.

It's like God is bobbing for 80 year olds. Pray He keeps on bobbing. 🤞

I don't think you're ready for this jelly. Not until you eat your sprouts.

It's not a 'Beer belly', it's a 'Bakery section'.

Yes, I understand that the twist was a phenomenon but there was no need to make a song and dance about it.

Does anybody know the way to San Jose?

A flock of kebabs is called a shawarma

Excluding movies, TV, photos and portraits, etc, how many human faces have you seen in your lifetime?

I have been to a Divine Comedy gig. That's me happy for at least a week, possibly longer.

🚨 WE NEED YOU 🚨 As a new Prime Minister comes into power, we want to show that an overwhelming number of people support trans people, and want the government to take serious action to protect their rights. Will you say you stand with trans people? And share with everyone you know?

I stand with trans people | Good Law Project

goodlaw.social

I answered my own question there.

Harold Pinter's cat walks into a bar. The Barman says "Why the long paws?"

Is it ok to repost/reclaim old jokes here that you wrote on Twitter when it was fun and not the horrific nazibot shit pit it has become?

How many ships would a ship shipping ship ship if a ship shipping ship would ship ships?

I'm going with really unlikely.

Apparently today is the day an alien spaceship is due to rock up and abduction several thousand people. Kind of hope they're taking nominations.

Unlike most people, I like change. I just found 73p in an old jacket.

Do you change kilt every day or just keep wearing the same one until it's rank? #football

I wholeheartedly support a social media ban for anyone under the age of 40.

I bet they argue about who gets to be the singer.

The sole purpose of a smart watch is to tell you that you're not dead.

youtube.com/watch?v=1av1... If this isn't one of the funniest things you've ever seen, you've been spoiled

Harry Hill - Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay

YouTube video by PickeringSamuel

youtube.com

The year is 2030 and I'm the last person alive who isn't an influencer.

I've set my "life goals" to stuff I've already done so literally every day now I'm overachieving. It's all about perspective.

I think Andy Warhol was wrong. It's closer to 20 minutes.

The future was supposed to make things easier. What the fuck happened?

Saw a very handsome man on a picket line earlier. Striking, I would say.

Disappointing search for old people sweets today. Wanted macaroons but I was met with blank faces. I might have to do an emergency flight to Scotland.

Nigel Farage’s so-called shadow cabinet is like a Swiss Army knife. There’s a tool for every occasion.