Sad to read that Ed Sheeran’s penis was crushed while he was innocently resting it on a blacksmith’s anvil. It was flattened into a paste by another falling anvil.
Mentally? Doctors assure me that everything is perfectly normal. They are calling and texting that to me every day!
*not paying attention at the TMZ meeting voice* yeah i'm on it robby downy jowny, got it
Putting on a trucker hat with the text “suck my shit motherfucker” in perfectly legible Mandarin before stepping into the interview room with 2 iced coffees in my hands.
Hey man, we heard you having a little trouble in the bathroom. We put a cup against the door and all took turns listening. You doing okay? Need any help in there?
Going to be repurposing the term “And he needs to be eating worms” to do ban evasion on here.
Alison Willmore@alisonwillmore.bsky.social · yesterdayBlood boys OVER we’re out here Renfieldmaxxing now
Holding all job interviews in a coffee shop to sabotage all the applicants
Eating a folded slice of pizza at my job interview and holding up my finger to tell them to pause every time I take a bite
Your mages may spend the day in your service, but at night they cast for me.
Not sure how Birthday Numbers work, but I am Perry Mason years old
Look, bro’s eating supper at dinner time! 😂 What you suppin’ on homeboy? 🤣 We’re chowing down on din din!!
Siri schedule gross post for when everyone is asleep. Quote pussy from a demon that kills you unquote.
*speaking directly to the demon that owns and operates a 24 hour liquor store* hey yeah are you guys on any apps? like klarna or bleepo? are you guys on bleepo?