My wife takes forever to get ready. Probably because of the suit of plate armor and huge mace.
after winning a battle: well fought but you were no match for my pikemen after losing a battle: you are quite fortunate my best pikemen are still traversing the mountain path
The 2 parts of the deck on either side of the fo'c'sle where you can see the mermaid figurehead's cans are impeccably swabbed, to a mirror finish
listing things in the vicinity as a grounding technique: trees. the moon. dirt. hooded figures. ceremonial blades. a creeping red mist. stone altar. flock of ravens. the grisly remains of the last guy...
Am I guilty of using rhetorical ambiguity to mask my real convictions — or lack thereof? Perhaps.
You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. Your saving throw vs. satiety is successful. You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. The food is destroyed! You open a food ration. You thrust with your fork.
Cooking with love to muster more swords to my banner
Her: You must be in possession of all 25 parts of the long-lost Elder Beetle if you think we're conducting a dark ritual at midnight. Me:
The fat and jolly gatehouse guard is so relatable. I’d make that exact same gurgling sound if my throat was slit by an assassin
Saw your husband planning an expedition to the island of a powerful sorceress without the use of a protective amulet or mage to shield him🤭
Melting down a toadman into a huge tourmaline of middling quality via a complex alchemical process.
That's a shame that you fell into my bubbling tar trap. I was saving that for later.
Psst, hey, you. Want to make a ducat? Go pluck the town flower and bring it to me.
Phew. Lotta bone mephits in the caldera today. Good thing I'm a rhombus knight and get bonus saves against mephits.
Decaying chariot in the front yard. Kids climb in and pretend they're driving. Nobody's even seen a horse around these parts in a decade.
Prying the lid off a huge crate of banded armor for my ape army, and smiling.
I'm not telling you that you can't leave the labyrinth I'm just trying to shift your perspective on the issue
New recruits think that, because our thieves guild is headquartered in the city sewers, you can just poo anywhere. You can't. Please, go a little ways down the tunnel to poo.
When you explain that NPCs are agents of the universal motive and all you get back is that main character stare.
What is it, doc? Curse? Malicious enchantment? Malevolent spiritual energy?? Witch Doctor: Have you been eating caterpillars again?
check this out *launches a bolt from my crossbow is such a way it impales both of your testicles, rips them from the sack, and flies out the window to land in the filthy moat below*