They turned the friggin' frogs gay. Buy one now at store.theonion.com.
rexforever.bsky.social
@rexforever.bsky.social
Midwesterner living in TX. Taco Bell Cantina enthusiast
Oh man, there is so much hot goss in these Trump v capital one documents. Cap One is asking for documentation on transactions between Trump companies and Azerbaijan / Estonia and trumps lawyers are like, wait why do you need that, this has nothing to do with that, lolllll
I regret to inform @theonion.com that the faux ad “turn your piss into gold” has made it into everyday vernacular in my household. It is now just a euphemism for any and all stupid advertising.
How can the dynamo have both charmin and dude wipes as sponsors?
Apparently when you live in a hurricane prone area, you just refer to your most reliable meteorologist by his name, like he’s the neighbor.
Jack Elliott kicks Luis Suarez in the face #cf97
Colin@ufcol.in · 2w agoLewandowski hits Suarez in the face with a backheel #cf97
Ok, solve an argument: if dogs wore pants, would they go just on the back legs - as if they were standing upright, or on all their legs, with suspenders around their back?
Not me asking google if there’s a professional way to say bitch you’d better be joking
My 9 year old picked up the phrase “Yas” from & Juliet so now I have to live with my own life choices.
Every time someone calls Hegseth's testosterone program or Elon's hair plugs "gender affirming care," I wince. Speaking only for myself, and I know the jokes are well-intentioned: I wish we'd retire this one. New from me on why. www.readtpa.com/p/theres-no-...
There’s No Gotcha Here
Calling Hegseth’s testosterone program "gender-affirming care" trivializes trans healthcare and misreads what we’re up against. Speaking only for myself: knock it off
readtpa.com
There comes a time in every c suite’s life when they begin signing their initials to every email. What a glorious thing to witness another white man ascend in my presence… 💸🪽💸🪽
At my first grown up party in a long time, I made the whole arrested development joke of “well once you open a bottle of vodka, you have to drink the entire thing because otherwise it will go bad”. And nobody laughed. And I forgot that my son’s teacher’s wife was there and so yeah.
I am begrudgingly rooting for England but also hoping that somehow Harry Kane loses.
Follow up question: is it possible for both teams to lose?
I don’t know how to adequately hate watch the Argentina England game when I want both of them to lose very terribly.
Currently arguing with the fam about whether France or Spain’s coach looks madder.
1. France 2. Spain 3. Getting hit by a car 4. Argentina 5. Electrocution 6. Being attacked by a shark 7. Boiled in acid 8. Sucked into the vacuum of space 9. Flayed by Ramsey Bolton 10. England
Me muting the World Cup announcers
Peppa Pig: Hello on the Phone
ALT: Peppa Pig: Hello on the Phone
static.klipy.com
Who is the best goalkeeper in the world? You are! That’s right you’re the goodest bestest goalkeeper, yes you are!
If you like The Odyssey, you’ll love… the odyssey!
Things my puppy is afraid of: 1. Our other dog barking 2. The vacuum 3. Ladders 4. Baby gates 5. The only fire hydrant on our street that is painted silver
Also I have a board book for toddlers called “don’t bite your friends” and we could just change bite to rape, if anyone is having trouble figuring out how not to rape people.