Rex Huppke

@rexhuppke.bsky.social

(VERY SERIOUS) USA TODAY humor(ish) columnist. May or may not be notable. Hypocrisy enthusiast. WOKE MOB, CO-FOUNDER. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present).

Mainstream media is tossing “socialist” around left and right - Dems need to get a jump on defining that word and taking it back tout de suite. “Socialism just means that the government uses your tax dollars to provide you services, instead of giving it to the billionaire class.” Or something.

Trump's guy is losing to someone who isn't even running anymore because his name is Amir Hassan and though he's an evangelical Christian, MAGAts assume he's Muslim. Who could've seen that coming?

The Downballot@the-downballot.com · 17h ago

Seems like an upset might be brewing in the GOP primary in #MI08 to take on Dem Rep. Kristen McDonald Rivet. Trump endorsed Amir Hassan, but he currently trails an absolute nobody who suspended his campaign a month ago by a wide margin.

I’d go outside in my big, blue city, but the president of the United States informed me earlier today that all the trees are gross. Can’t believe the libs ruined trees.

As I wrote today, "If these mopes had video evidence of teams of boxcutter-wielding antifa frogmen descending on the Reflecting Pool under cover of darkness to do massive destruction, they would have aired it everywhere and quite literally never shut up about it." www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

Trump administration can't govern. He can't even fix a pool. | Opinion

It takes a special kind of stupid to turn the rehabbing of a monument like the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool into a presidential scandal.

usatoday.com

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 2d ago

Trump: "Jeanine Pirro made a mistake. It was vandalism."

Chevron made $12.1 billion in the second quarter. So I, an oil executive, asked the people I pay to form a human abacus on my second mansion’s third polo field to calculate how big a jump that is, and they said it’s almost fivefold! I am LOVING the Iran war! www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

Stop complaining about the Iran war. I'm making bank! | Opinion

Are we seeing these extravagant earnings because President Donald Trump started an 'unnecessary' war with Iran that has proven 'intractable'? YES!

usatoday.com

It seems all I hear these days are complaints about President Donald Trump’s war with Iran. As a humble oil executive, looking out on the Pacific Ocean from the wrap-around porch of my third mansion, I find these complaints deeply offensive. My column: www.usatoday.com/story/opinio...

Stop complaining about the Iran war. I'm making bank! | Opinion

Are we seeing these extravagant earnings because President Donald Trump started an 'unnecessary' war with Iran that has proven 'intractable'? YES!

usatoday.com

OK, small point here, but it’s almost certain he meant “parameters of a deal,” but he can’t spell and is very dumb, so he used “perimeters of a deal” and news orgs are just running with it like that’s a perfectly normal thing to say, which it absolutely is not. That’s not a thing anybody says.

NBC News@nbcnews.com · 4d ago

BREAKING: Trump pauses attacks on Iran, citing “perimeters of a deal” that would end Tehran’s “nuclear threat” and reopen the Strait of Hormuz.

Geez, next thing you know we’ll be finding out the Reflecting Pool algae was a naturally occurring phenomenon and not a form of aquatic chemical warfare launched under cover of darkness by a team of highly trained, radical antifa frogmen.