Richard Lewis

@rlewistherapy.bsky.social

Psychotherapist. Counsellor (MNCPS). Author. Researcher. Science writer (MISTC). Broadcaster. Former Parisian trapped in post-Brexit UK. Distress is not a defect. https://richard-lewis.co.uk

We can understand the pain or history that drives an abuser's behavior, without excusing it or taking on responsibility for things they did to us. Sympathy & empathy can be tools-- but it's real important we not let them blur the lines for what was & wasn't acceptable behavior.

What's happening to Prince Harry currently is a graphic illustration of what happens to any survivor or scapegoat who tries to speak out on systems that harmed them. But despite the hostility aimed at him and his chosen family, I hope the Prince will continue to speak.

As a 3-5 year old growing up in UK I had a recurring dream in which I was part of a convoy of people moving on foot from one place to another, destination unknown, sometimes walking through squat whitewashed dwellings or camping on beaches. I recently asked an AI to recreate the image from my memory

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It's annoying to almost everybody to be misunderstood or misrepresented-- but to trauma survivors it can be uniquely triggering. We have experience w/ abusers purposefully twisting what we say to manipulate both us & others around us. Our nervous system recognizes that trick.

'As soon as one theory is discredited, the advocates of the biological paradigm turn to another, putting forward a new set of ropey, inconclusive and ambiguous studies as putative evidence' (from Chemically Imbalanced). Article by Bruce Levine www.madinamerica.com/2025/03/do-c...

Do Critics of Biological Psychiatry Have an Alternative to a Life of “Whack-A-Mole”?

Psychiatry has offered many biological theories, but the ones that stick are the effective marketing devices for money-making drugs.

madinamerica.com

I won't tell you it's risk free to assert yourself. It's not. There are absolutely people who will try to silence & punish you for asserting yourself. There are absolutely risks associated w/ boundaries & self expression. What I will tell you is: those risks are worth taking.

It's not on you to save the people who hurt you, no matter how much you need them to love you. As people get older, they either do the work to take accountability and make right with those around them, or they double down on the wrong position. In that case it's often safer to love them from afar.

Mourn. Don't be ashamed. Don't let anyone shame you for the desire or need to mourn. Whether "they" think your attachment to what or who you lost is legitimate or valid or understandable doesn't matter. Literally couldn't matter less. You get to mourn.

The Defeat Depression Campaign (& other awareness campaigns) set out to persuade the public that emotional reactions were medical conditions requiring drug treatment. Surveys showed previously people viewed emotions as meaningful reactions and were sceptical of using drugs.

Attachment styles are all the rage right now, but the trend seems not to be towards self reflection and an understanding of how attachment injury can be healed, but rather to reify attachment styles as discrete and immutable identities, a movement that to my mind creates less freedom, not more.

When a person's expressing real despair- make room for it, don't rush to say something 'positive' or to make it better. Be alongside, listen, let there be space. Aim just to be there- to REALLY be there... Feeling some kind of connection in the most vulnerable of times is worth a hell of a lot.

We are entering an era where collective action is not only essential and urgent but also feasible and likely. I’m hopeful that the world will ultimately choose community and care over oppression division and hate.