Okay what about one where you say "Ladies" and they say "What's ladies?" and then you're like "Lay deez nuts!" Is that anything? Guys? Are you still on the call?

I miss having girlfriends. Like the platonic kind, not women I am dating.

As a millennial, there's nothing more embarrassing than nostalgia.

As a millennial, basically I fuck with pussy heavy.

As a millennial, there's nothing more embarrassing than doing self-deprecating humor and dipshit kids not picking on you condescending to them.

Did you guys see any of my good tweets? I could have sworn I hung them up by the door.

As a millennial, there's nothing more embarrassing than explaining that you meant paramour (cheating) and not Paramore (Orange.)

As a millennial, there's nothing more embarrassing than having to explain to someone that you meant Jolene (CAKE) and not Jolene (Dolly Parton.)

Telling a wildlifetician... a animologist... telling a feral veterinarian... uh, telling a woman from Portland I like her beaver.

Opening my third nipple

Ascend #clay #art #ceramics #contemporaryart

Witch with a yeast infection familiar

I've been driving a late '00s Honda Fit around and it's crazy how much better a car that isn't an iPod feels.

Ads these days are always like, "Do you have IBS? Try jerking it to these malnourished AI waifus in your new Volkswagen Tiguan!" Or some shit like that, I don't speak Vietnamese.

I fit into my old gun belt again. This is my fucking year, bro.

My bowel movements would kill a lesser being instantaneously.

like or fav? Uh, PC 😏

煮付け

the bullies at school keep making me squeeze through narrow gaps so that they can seamlessly integrate cutscenes into gameplay without a loading screen.

One day, they will invent a language that I speak.

bringing a beautiful baby girl into the world and naming her avarice bigtime

"Hotdog roller" represents the perfect, ideal self.

ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl l ls -a ctrl cd Folder

Okay gang. Time to be productive and do the 20 things I said I was gonna do over the last four days in the next few hours before I have to wake up in the morning and have them done!

Gods idea of a slut is being able to reach the primo leaves.

Why do giraffes have long necks like that? I think it's slutty.

Saw a small blue blue butterfly, we decided to identify it, and its called a "Small Blue Butterfly". Fair enough 👍

Contextual spaces inevitably crumble.

Have some more self-respect you pitiful little turd.