oyster love poem: if we were an oyster, you’d be the pearl. i’d be the shell, and we’d be the world x
fan blades need a clean, yet i lack the necessary tool to open the casing. they're like, triangle screws? never seen the like. that's Life Classic right there. fuck a dusty gust tho. let's do something ill-advised and pry it open with a fork.
Chinese smells like Chinese making me want Chinese. if they ever invent adverts u can smell, it’s over.
Daniel Craig abandoning his role as James Bond and picking up a role in The Odussey (Odyssey porn parody) at the moment he removes his cyclops-themed (he plays the cyclops) gimp suit: this is the end of my bondage
(Tune of King of Carrot Flowers pt II) I love my chungus life
If we lived during the end of the ice age we’d be like yaaay climate change. born in the wrong gen ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
Lately I tell someone a situation is bad, and they go: “well, aren't all situations bad in their own way?” You're so right. In fact, let's just chew lead and try to get abducted at a truck stop. Every deal is rotten anyway. Let's jump down a latrine.
[applies delay to my voice with maximum feedback and minimum delay speed so it blurs into an incomprehensible and terrifying cacophony that steadily gets louder forever] good morning beautiful :)
York Shambles another victim of nominative determinism. absolute shambles