People are always using the urinal as a trash can. Spitting gum into it. Empty snack wrappers. Last time I looked, I saw a feeble, sniveling creature. It peered up at me, it called me father. Walking it down the aisle was the most rewarding experience of my life
The five dimensions are Length, Breadth, Height, Time and Ape Time.
New dream concept, your coworkers are all eating a new kind of yogurt with beans in it, they don't even have a special name for it, they call it yogurt with beans. If anyone would like to have a dream like this just let me know
I've started responding to all comments with "Fair enough", all kinds of comments, personal and professional, I've stopped concerning myself with what is or isn't actually fair, we're arresting you on suspicion of conspiracy, fair enough, this court finds you innocent on all counts, fair enough
Instead of poisoning the ants, I let them discover that there's nothing for them here. They ate their fill, and over time a small sect came to realize that craving cannot be satiated. They now trail in and skillfully criticize my understanding of the Dharma. I place crumbs in their tiny wooden bowls
🎶 Hello? Sorry, this is the Agriculture department, you want to talk to Gathering. But they're always changing their number, so I'll transfer you to Hunting to find them. Peas hold... Get it? 🎶 Hello, you've reached Fishing. Hunting? Not quite, let me help you out. Please stay on the line. 🎶
Me: So, yeah, I'd say the mango basically approaches "favorite fruit" territory for me Guy interviewing me in my imagination: That's incredible. And you say this because you're eating one now? Me: Exactly. I invented you—gave you mind-birth—for that reason. This habit is one of my many perversions
I vow to tell the truth, the whole truth, and some additional minutae alongside the truth, I think that kind of thing is important, for the presentation of it all, the story, because this is my first time as a witness, you know, or maybe that was a lie, you see how engaging this sort of thing is
I hate being trapped in the Bucca di Bepo. No one is helping me. They all keep saying, what do you mean, the door is right there, okay, then explain to me how I'm trapped. Here in the Bucca di Bepo. In Orlando, Florida
You call it a stall; I call it a urination station. This isn't a conscious choice of mine, but a habit I was tricked into forming early in life. It's something I am mocked and pitied for
Kind bar, protein, dark chocolate nut. Four bites to finish, three is doable, two would draw too much attention. Tear open the package, peel it to the side. Try to make it all appear mindless. Be present, live a gracious life, drop the wrapper into the closest appropriate bin
Crazy that my house used to shake free of its foundation and move around from one mysterious location to another
Let's start a book club, which is to say, a club where you read the book I'm reading and finish when I finish. Let's start a club where we all know what page I'm on, what receipt I've made my bookmark, wow, we'll say, groceries have gotten expensive, but you're not helping your case at whole foods
LOADING SCREEN TIP Once you look 20 (actual age not important), the village elders confer to you a relic known as The Font of Untold Pleasure. Once you look 30, the pleasure has ruined your life, so they poison it with caustic lye. Maintain a youthful appearance to boost your time with the font
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝟭𝟬𝟬% 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁. Hiding under a forest log isn't a cry for help—it's a declaration. No matter how scary the forest canopy is, you'll stay where it's dark and moist. And honestly? You are exactly where you need to be. Can I recommend some tasty fungal mycelium, or is leaf matter more your vibe?
Insulting you with "it appears you've grown attached to certain ideas and concepts"
2025 rankings just came in: "talks" are still preferred over "discussions", but "conversations" beat them both out. We see a marked improvement in "chats", just like last year, while "back-and-forths" are at an all-time low.
My newest novel has two characters: Observational Capacity and Goal-Striving Mechanism. It's a story about trust, love, and compromise: 300 uninterrupted pages describing how Observational Capacity beats Goal-Striving Mechanism senseless with hard, blunt objects. At the end, they both die
In my role playing game there are many Matches, which are made up of Rounds, which consist of Turns. Every Turn has four Quarter-Turns. There are several Actions in each Quarter-Turn, and each of those has multiple Moments. Moments are precious. Each one contains the entirety of one Existence
When I'm directing traffic, I enjoy making inconceivable gestures to the cars at my intersection. My favorite part of the job is coming up with non-euclidean hand signs blurring the line between "stop" and "go" in ways that surprise and delight my audience
Okay, the demon king attacks you and (rolls dice) just barely misses. He wails in (rolls dice) extreme disappointment. He (rolls dice, shakes head) was never any good at anything, and (rolls dice) it all comes rushing out in a show of bare emotion. (rolls dice) I need a charisma save from all of you
At the urging of my aides, I've taken to busying myself in my chamber with drink and with meats dressed in fine spices. But despite these comforts, I cannot help but wonder if, sometime abroad, there'd be something more, some sort of Grok to discriminate between truth and deceit
'hindsight is always 20/20' is actually independent of ZF. cohen showed via a forcing argument that there are choiceless models where hindsight achieves 20/n vision for arbitrarily high n
We were all inventing chemicals in the lab. Someone made a juice that bubbles and fizzes. I studied my beaker and saw it held not juice but a man, tiny and round of face, briefcase in hand. He climbed out and over to a bench one of the others had conjured. A miniscule bus arrived and took him away
When my small, evil roommate (lived in the walls) moved out, she brought the insulation with her, and the floors, and the foundation and the building. I wandered the desert for years. It's only by the grace of the Machine that I'm here now, shrunken and creeping the walls to turn this morbid wheel
I drank one beer at 2 PM and laid down and pulled the earth over me like a blanket and snow fell and grass grew and I turned into a little hill
No, I don't do drugs, but I know the junkie's mind. When I help a wounded animal, that's like a drug to me. Exercising my civic duty in the voting booth is a hit of the strongest dope. Lastly, a rush like no other, is being role model to three charming and obedient nephews
