Holy Disobedience: Melissa Duge Spiers on Religious Gaslighting and Reclaiming Reality

In this episode of The Gaslight Effect Podcast, Dr. Robin Stern welcomes Melissa Duge Spiers, award-winning essayist, screenwriter, advocate, and author of Holy Disobedience: Sex, Sin, and Secrets in the Biggest Church No One Knows. Melissa shares her experience growing up as a fourth-generation Seventh-day Adventist in what she describes as a high-control religious system. From rigid rules around food, appearance, behavior, sexuality, and thought, to the constant message that she should not trust her own instincts or questions, Melissa explains how religious control can train a person to look outside themselves for truth, approval, and direction. Robin and Melissa explore the gaslighting that can occur inside high-control religious environments, especially when children are taught that their feelings, questions, bodies, and perceptions are sinful or dangerous. Melissa reflects on how that early conditioning followed her long after she left the church, shaping her boundaries, relationships, self-trust, and vulnerability to narcissistic and abusive dynamics. This powerful conversation looks at religious trauma, purity culture, generational control, the “ghost of gaslighting,” and the long process of reclaiming one’s reality. Melissa’s story is one of survival, truth-telling, holy disobedience and the courage to question what you were taught, name what harmed you, and begin to trust yourself again. You can follow Melissa's journey on social media on Instagram and Tik Tok. To check out this and other episodes, head over to robinstern.com. Don't forget to subscribe to The Gaslight Effect Podcast on your favorite podcast platform, and be sure to leave us a review to let us know what you think. Until next time, remember: healing is a journey, and you don't have to walk it alone. Dr. Robin Stern's Social Media Links: Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/drrobinstern/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dr.robinstern/ Twitter (X) - https://twitter.com/RobinSStern LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/robin-stern-220b403a Dr. Robin Stern's Books: The Gaslight Effect The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide Emotional Intelligence for School Leaders Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed on The Gaslight Effect Podcast do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything.

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Finding Holiness After Breaking Up with a Sadistic Daddy God

Welcome to the Liberated Porch podcast, where we explore the intersection of religion, spirituality, sexuality, gender, and identity. In this episode, host Kit Morgan, a trans and queer licensed clinical social worker, talks with Melissa Duge Spiers, an award-winning writer who recently released her new book (Holy Disobedience), former Seventh Day Adventist, human rights activist for religious trauma survivors, and member of the LGBTQ community. Together, they delve into the complexities of finding liberation after Purity Culture. Timestamps: 0:00 - 1:53 Introduction to the podcast episode 1:53 - 2:23 Kit and Melissa discuss breaking free from religious abuse. 2:23 - 4:33 Melissa shares the story behind the title "Holy Disobedience." 4:33 - 5:14 Behind the making of the_Glory Whole_ 5:14 - 7:13 Seventh-day Adventist Church's views on pleasure. 7:13 - 10:29 The influence of religious teachings on autonomy 10:29 - 12:25 The challenges of navigating sexual rules within religious contexts. 12:25 - 16:17 The struggle with guilt and shame from religious teachings. 16:17 - 18:41 The journey of self-discovery and breaking free from religious constraints. 18:41 - 24:59 The challenges of leaving high-control religious groups. 24:59 - 27:25 The emotional cycle within authoritarian religious teachings. 27:25 - 34:41 Navigating moral and ethical dilemmas in leaving religious groups. 34:41 - 40:22 Restructuring life after authoritarian religious involvement 40:22 - 43:22 Reclaiming Holiness after high control religion

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Holy Disobedience: Melissa Duge Spiers on the Seventh Day Adventist Church (Part 2)

Part 2 with Melissa Duge Spiers picks up at the “WTF moment” when a call about her beloved father—a once‑celebrated Adventist youth pastor and doctor—exposes him as a child predator and shatters the good‑dad/bad‑mom story she’d carried her whole life. She walks listeners through confronting her parents, befriending “Dr. Z,” a former teen congregant who details the grooming and abuse, and realizing how deeply the Seventh‑day Adventist structure protected her father from quiet removal deals and put him back in the pulpit despite promises to keep him away from children. ​ She zooms out to the broader SDA pattern: stories pouring into her social channels, the church’s historic role in conversion therapy and even female genital mutilation, and how these institutional obsessions with sex and control shaped her own relationships, including a dangerous “cult of one” partnership she ultimately escaped with the help of a religious‑trauma therapist and psychedelic‑assisted work. As she finishes her memoir audiobook and helps launch a new mass‑tort case against the Adventist Church, Melissa shares what real healing has looked like—naming crimes as crimes, accepting there may never be full closure, and doing the slow, ongoing deconstruction that turns “I left” into genuine freedom on the other side. ​ To file an abuse claim again Seventh-day Adventist Church with Pintas & Mullins: https://www.seventhdayadventist-claims.com Be sure to pick up Melissa’s memoir, Holy Disobedience (https://amzn.to/4rwfawU) , when it launches this week, and follow her at The Glory Whole on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/the.glory.whole/) and TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@theglorywhole) or on her Substack page: substack.com/@melissadugespiers (http://substack.com/@melissadugespiers) Trigger warning: This episode contains frank discussion of child sexual abuse, grooming by a clergy member, institutional cover‑ups, religious and spiritual abuse, conversion therapy, circumcision and female genital mutilation, and narcissistic/abusive relationships. Also…let it be known that: The views and opinions expressed on A Little Bit Culty do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast. Any content provided by our guests, bloggers, sponsors or authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business, individual, anyone or anything. Nobody’s mad at you, just don’t be a culty fuckwad. Buy the A Little Bit Culty book on Amazon (https://amzn.to/4sMrxpx) ! Check out our amazing sponsors (https://alittlebitculty.com/sponsors) Join A Little Bit Culty on Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/alittlebitculty) Get poppin’ fresh ALBC Swag (https://my-store-c9bd2a.creator-spring.com/) Support the pod and smash this link (https://donorbox.org/support-a-little-bit-culty) Check out our cult awareness and recovery resources (https://alittlebitculty.com/resources) Watch Sarah's TED Talk (https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_edmondson_how_to_spot_a_cult?language=en) and buy her memoir, Scarred (https://amzn.to/48PlcAT) CREDITS: Executive Producers: Sarah Edmondson & Anthony Ames Production Partner: Citizens of Sound (https://www.citizensofsound.com/) Co-Creator: Jess Tardy Audio production: Will Retherford Production Coordinator: Lesli Dinsmore Writer: Sandra Nomoto Social media team: Eric Skwarzynski and Brooke Keane Theme Song: “Cultivated” by Jon Bryant co-written with Nygel Asselin See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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