if you have rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) I highly recommend not having a minority gender identity. people will be mean to you a lot for no reason. follow for more actionable tips

hiiii we’re your bank we need you to update our mobile app because we added more CVEs to it and also we made some of the menus more labyrinthine and increased loading times by up to 50%

space news: jupiter is hatching next week

added the flower 🌺 to my name. smile :)

all liquids are water

beware of various cone-like objects

the barn owl shares many key traits with the humble civilian airliner #BarnOwlFridays

hi its me lenie clark now check out this cool vape trick (creates a massive explosion on the beach because i forgot about atmospheric pressure

lesbian outside the bar: *lighting a cigarette* "when i graduated highschool you were 13 isnt that weird" me, drunk off 30 capri suns and daydreaming abt being chained to a radiator: "but in the vastness of space and the immensity of time, it is my joy to share a planet and an epoch with you,"

embarrassing high-energy particle collision at the coffeeshop

fact: it’s only 10-15°C on the surface of the sun, plus or minus a few thousand degrees I think. however, the inner core is generally hotter than 50°

you can’t make a sandwich without cracking a few bread

5 sandwiches to look out for in 2027: 1. grilled milkwich 2. minotaur on rye 3. charred estrogen burger 4. footdog 6. detroit-style diffusion grid

earlier today I got bored so I had to pump several thousand gallons of orange juice into the neighbors’ unit

when I ask for advice and someone dumber than me responds

me: can I get a sandwich subway employee: we discontinued those the majestic barn owl: FUCK #BarnOwlFridays

alexa remote detonate my jorts posthaste

i wish i was a warlord. i would be a manic pixie warlord

nostalgia-bait game remakes and movie reboots don’t work on me as a customer because the thing I’m actually nostalgic for is a specific mental breakdown I had in Boston once

redeeming my frequent flyer miles for a sexual favor from a boeing 737-800

your mitochondrial clock is ticking dude

I can totally understand this post even though it’s in english 🤣 some things transcend language fr

alex 🏖️@paracausalex.siren-vibes.ts.net · 3w ago

im bored lets jump up and down a bunch

do you all think the ten thousand dollar vibrating strap is worth the investment

heartbreaking: guy born with fighter jet autism died in 1831

my post about airport food that isn’t even really a joke is blowing up. why is it never barn owl fridays or amazon alexa sausage

let’s reintroduce wolves to whole foods market

hi guys 🐆

amazon alexa digital home assistant flavored sausage #woke3.0

at the airport you can get a bad $17 breakfast sandwich or a pretty good $17 breakfast sandwich. you are not allowed to know which is which until the $17 hath been spent