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Olivia Garard

@teaandtactics.bsky.social

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Max Kennerly@maxkennerly.bsky.social · last mo.

Today we celebrate the PDFing of "Declaration FINAL v3 USE THIS ONE - SIGNED.docx" (Jefferson's draft was heavily edited by the Committee, then again by Congress, and he was big mad about it.)

📂 Version 1.0 — June 20, 1776 File Name: Declaration_Draft_TJ_DO_NOT_EDIT.docx Author: t_jefferson_33 Commit Message: "Initial copy-paste from my Mason_VA_Rights_Notes.txt and VA_Constitution_V2.docx scratchpads. Confine your review to grammar and typos, and do not redline, only leave comments." Tracked Changes & Notes: Line 14: "We hold these truths to be sacred & undeniable..." Comment from t_jefferson_33: "Certified banger." 📂 Version 1.1 — June 24, 1776 File Name: Declaration_Draft_TJ_comments_JA_BF.docx Editors: b_franklin_GrittyOG and JA_redsoxfan (obo Committee, w/ Sherman and Livingston) Commit Message: "First pass by the Committee of Five. Modest style changes." Tracked Changes & Notes: 47 revisions (redlined), three full new paragraphs Deleted: "sacred & undeniable" * Inserted: "self-evident" Comment from b_franklin_GrittyOG: "250 years from now, people will think you wrote that banger. You’re welcome." 📂 Version 2.0 — June 28, 1776 File Name: Declaration_Committee_Review_FINAL.docx Author: t_jefferson_33 Commit Message: "Incorporated Ben and John's very minor edits of my excellent first draft into a clean copy. Ready for the Continental Congress to approve verbatim." 📂 Version 2.1 to 2.8 — July 2 – July 4, 1776 File Name: Declaration_CONGRESS_REVISED2_redline_NEW_v4_approved..docx Editors: Continental_Congress Group Chat (50+ active users) Commit Message: "Line-by-line review by committee. Light trimming, a mere 20% of the original text. Optimizing for colonial unity." Tracked Changes & Notes: ❌ CRITICAL DELETION: 300 word imprudent diatribe against KG III for transatlantic slave trade (“waging cruel war against human nature”). Comment from dunkin_delegate: “Jefferson wrote that? He always struck me as a smug hypocrite. #IYKYK” Comment from SC_delegation_delegate: "I thought we agreed this issue was off the table for now. It can be amicably settled later." ❌ DELETION: Large sections complaining about the ordinary British public being "deaf to the voice of justice." Comment from NY_delegation_hub: "Guys, let's keep the finger pointed strictly at King George. If we trash the British citizens, we ruin any chance of future trade partnerships or alliances. Keep it professional." ➕ INSERTION: Added "appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world" and "with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence" to the closing paragraph. Comment from Middlesex_Conservative: "Marketing requested more religious claptrap to ensure maximum buy-in from the zealots." System Notification: User t_jefferson_33 reacted 👎(39 instances). 📂 Version 3.0 (Production) — July 4, 1776 (Late Morning) File Name: Declaration_of_Independence_FINAL_v3_USE_THIS_ONE_SIGNED.docx Editors: john_hancock_big_font Commit Message: "Approved. Shipped to the printers. John Hancock didn't realize his zoom level was at 200% when he signed. Committee unable to find the one intern who can resize images, shipping anyway." System Notification: User t_jefferson_33 has left the chat. The draft of the Declaration was revised first by Adams and Franklin, and then by the full committee. A total of 47 alterations, including the insertion of three complete paragraphs, were made to the text before it was presented to Congress on June 28. After voting for independence on July 2, Congress continued to refine the document, making 39 additional revisions to the committee draft before its final adoption on the morning of July 4. The draft shows the multiplicity of corrections, additions and deletions that were made at each step. Although most of the alterations are in Jefferson's handwriting (Jefferson later indicated which changes he believed were made by Adams and Franklin), he felt slighted by the way Congress rewrote the manuscript. In a consoling letter of July 21, 1776, the state's senior delegate, Richard Henry Lee, wrote to Jefferson that he wished that "the manuscript had not been mangled as it is." In an 1823 letter to Madison, Jefferson wrote that, at the time, "during the debate, I was sitting by Dr. Franklin and he observed that I was writhing a little under the acrimonious criticisms" of Congress. In fact, as Congress neared completion of the document by altering nearly all of his last paragraph, Jefferson could only write in the margin "a different phraseology inserted." Jefferson remained bitter about the changes made to the Declaration of Independence right up to his death. His autobiography was a major effort to set the record straight on its writing.
Olivia Garard@teaandtactics.bsky.social · last mo.

In case you thought I was exaggerating: “This problem is not unique to Western or Chinese philosophy; it is a problem that is a problem for both Western and Chinese philosophy. It is a problem that may be said to lack a coherent solution.” (p. 50) This sentence is a problem without a solution.

Olivia Garard@teaandtactics.bsky.social · last mo.

This is the worst written book I have ever read. (King’s Command is a very distant second.) It is repetitive, tautological, and inconsistent, often in one sentence. Yet, when quoting Mao, remains fascinating. I would willingly sacrifice this to the LLM-Gods for the pain it causes when reading.

Olivia Garard@teaandtactics.bsky.social · last mo.

This is the worst written book I have ever read. (King’s Command is a very distant second.) It is repetitive, tautological, and inconsistent, often in one sentence. Yet, when quoting Mao, remains fascinating. I would willingly sacrifice this to the LLM-Gods for the pain it causes when reading.

Bild
Olivia Garard@teaandtactics.bsky.social · 2mo ago

I wish academics were required to be good writers to be academics. It would make reading less like a cross between proofreading and grading a poorly written exam.