this meeting could have benihana

i just want you to know i would NEVER beat a horse, dead or alive

Saying "grino me" and catching an ice cold San Pellegrino

did a virtual launch event for TACKY with @kristenarnett.bsky.social so we were on zoom cussing up a storm bc, you know, it's ME AND KRISTEN ARNETT, and someone pipes up in the chat 'ladies the 4-letter words are a turn-off, thanks but no thanks.' and i have thought about it about once a week since

Am I the asshole for wanting to switch writers’ groups? @kristenarnett.bsky.social answers this and more of your questions.

Am I the Asshole For Wanting to Switch Writers’ Groups?

Hello everyone! Welcome back to Am I the Literary Asshole?, an advice column that wants to be more than friends. I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m currently trying to figure out how to talk my…

buff.ly

tried this yesterday and it works

Kristen Arnett@kristenarnett.bsky.social · 3mo ago

sometimes all it takes to fix your life is a fresh piping hot basket of chicken tenders

sometimes all it takes to fix your life is a fresh piping hot basket of chicken tenders

Happy pub day to @samanthapaigerosen.bsky.social and @kristenarnett.bsky.social and @escoffery.bsky.social and all the rest of us in this wonderful book. Thrilled to have an essay in here! tinyurl.com/2cbyrx6k

Living, Together: Reimagining Community in the Age of Disconnection

Reimagining Community in the Age of Disconnection

tinyurl.com

[me watching someone kiss a frog] you are not respecting that frogs boundaries

gonna start muttering “great northern bean!” every time something mystifies or astounds me

We had a really mean python at work and I gave him back to his owner and was like “he was trying to kill me” and his owner said “well, he only has so many ways to interact with the world. All he has is a face” and it Moved Me

“celebrate good times, come on,” she threatened

a little less ai and a lot more ayyyy i’m walkin here

listen, i’m not gonna apologize for party rocking. i’m in charge of my own life, i’ll live however i damn well please

they don't make glasses for dogs. presumably because it'd be comical, or because it might remind people of some uncomfortable truths. but there's gotta be some dogs who need em

why art thou like this

yes this did make me cry, yes i did send in a video of myself accepting this prize with my phone wedged between two boxed wines, yes i feel deeply loved, and yes it is humbling to share this experience and great honor with the first ever recipient of this prize, my hero, my star, dorothy allison

let’s make this hollywood a hollyhome

buffalo wild wings is buffalo normal wings to a fucking freak like me

i can’t believe i’m saying this, but a 6am flight is top tier. the people watching is next level and half the plane is empty because no one wants to get up and/or they slept through their alarm

started a thing where i teach my cat a new word while simultaneously tipping my hat to him; today’s word is “cornichon”

my wife has started calling my low pony “colonitail” because she says it makes me look like a founding father

every month is gay pride month because i am living in it

anyone can be “girl” if you include a quick “fuck you” immediately after

[going in for a vision test, the doctor peering into my eyes with a light, then scribbling something on their clipboard] bro you can’t see SHIT

if a dog looks at me weird it will ruin the rest of my day, like what the hell man. what kind of evil secretly lurks inside of me that made that happen

not all that interested in visiting planet fitness but i could be persuaded to try out other spots in the galaxy, such as planet naptime or planet two-for-one margaritas