hold still .... [ciders your apples]

the best part of french braids is the slayyyter hair after i take them out

talking to a woman in the bar restroom about how she's 38 years old and using every muscle in my body to not call her unc

just took a sizable poop

i have the affliction called 100% perfect skin

going absolutely ham on my ear canal with a q tip

(to someone who's staying up past 2am but isn't writhing about) my culture is not your costume!

chewing on my bedsheets in a very distressed manner

One bad butterburger at Culver's does not make Culver's bad

i'm sad

guys i got that summertime sadness

What's that babe? Hold up - let me turn down Lament Radio

i want a benzodiazepine

snakeroot told me that he has a sexual crush on the rizzler

i feel sorta insane

ugh

i just went pee

They did various shit on a grape

The apps on your phone should be able to take a little money out of your bank account if u seem bitchmade

vending machine dinner, my beloved

i love democracy, republics, and hte congo, i wonder if theres a country for people like me

i just farted

lobster boy? what's next? crab man??

@snakeroot.bsky.social new one just dropped

In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Butterburgeri

My heart will be blessed with a butterburger

mike's hard butterburger

cowering under the world's comfiest blanket