John Howard Matthews
@johnmatthews.bsky.social
Words in funny, literary, and weird places: McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Write City, Chicago Reader, American Bystander. website: https://www.johnhowardmatthews.com/ A 15 minute Evil Dead II-inspired comic video: https://youtu.be/LE2dy7NpasM
My latest humor in @mcsweeneys.net. If there’s anyone out there named Sarah Hyperwolf and you’re not a horrible person, I apologize.
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 18h ago"You wanted transparency. You wanted oversight. While we couldn’t provide either of those things, we more than made up for it in deceit and unkept promises."
If Ash isn't afraid to read, you shouldn't be either.
Readful Things@readfulthings.com · 6d agoReading is groovy. Here's part three of my library 'READ' poster series.
As AI Data Centers consume the land and resources around us, it’s time to start preparing future generations to serve them. My new one for @mcsweeneys.net
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 2d ago"You will have the opportunity to showcase your daily routines for the edification of your little one in hopes it will instill a desire in them to remain living here and work for us when we need to obtain fresh humans." www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ann...
1,100,000 Americans died from Covid, and these fucking scumbags want everyone to believe that it was all a hoax & didn't happen. My Mom died in a Covid ward in 2020. I couldn't get in to see her. A nurse held up the phone to my Mom's ear so I could tell her goodbye. I hate these people. Truly.
Middle Age Riot@middleageriot.bsky.social · last wk.Dr. Fauci: "Get vaccinated." Republicans: "No." Dr. Fauci: "Wear masks." Republicans: "No." Dr. Fauci: "Socially distance." Republicans: "No." (A million-plus Americans die from COVID.) Republicans: "Prosecute Fauci!"
I'm not saying that Matt Damon copied this pose from my YouTube Evil Dead II parody short Desperately Seeking Chainsaw, but there, I didn't say it. #TheOdyssey #DesperatelySeekingChainsaw
From now on I will be using this list of Gmail AI-suggested responses to an email as my go-to response to all future emails:
There are so many Stephen Miller insults in this whole thread but I want this one to get a little sunlight
Kevin M. Kruse@kevinmkruse.bsky.social · 3w agoMy man looks like a Make-a-Wish kid whose wish was "war crimes"
can’t believe a narcissist is being so publicly humiliated by a reflecting pool
I can read the title of this piece until time ends and it will always crack me up. Then the piece itself is even better.
McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · 2mo ago"Class of 2026. The future is yours. A world of possibilities... Of women... Of bowls of cocaine."
Rare photo of Daisy Matthews, revolutionary leader of STU (Stuffed Toy Underground).
BREAKING: Charles Manson backs out of the Freedom 250 concert
Among the many reasons I'm proud to be in the union is they tend to have good graphics. Today, on the newspaper's Slack channel, we're replacing our photos with this way-cool logo to remind our masters that people make the Sun-Times, not AI slop.
Do you Remember when Obama, Clinton and Bush tried to get a comedian fired for making fun of them??? Me neither … only whiny b!tches do that 🤷🏻♂️
Happy April 21st "Fog Day" to all who celebrate. Wrote some satire on Medium to commemorate the day. medium.com/@planetstrik...
Don’t Worry Stevie, I’m Staying Away From The Fog (And Antonio Bay) For Good
April 21, 1980
medium.com
Found this on street today. Maybe try to apply at Duke of Oil instead?
"If NASA allows lycanthropes to perform a successful moon landing, we run the risk of ushering in a hyper-advanced civilization of lunar-dwelling space wolves. This outcome is undesirable." 😂😆😂
Points in Case@pointsincase.com · 4mo agoNASA is almost certain that none of you are werewolves. However, to ensure the safety of our new lunar missions, we must consider every eventuality.
You can lead a Republican to facts but you can't make them think.
OK, so it’s official from the President of the United States when someone you don’t like dies it’s OK to say “I’m glad he’s dead” we got it in writing folks
