Jigsaw: I would like to play a game all you have to do is use the correct light switches first try. You’ve lived here for years this shouldn’t be this hard Me: I’ll wait for the tnt to go off if that’s ok with you
(Recommending a short form video to a friend) don’t worry man, it gets good at like five seconds in
Coworker: ohhh you’re taking a trip to Japan?! Jealous! Me: (trying to make him feel included) I’m jealous of your whole life too
Just invented what I think could be a new concept in horror. I’m tentatively calling it Wouldn’t It Be Fucked Up If Something Scary Happened
What if it was Weekend At Bernaise. And they had to prop up a rich, creamy French sauce made from an emulsion of egg yolk, clarified butter, and a reduction of vinegar, shallots, tarragon, and peppercorns, with fresh tarragon and chervil stirred in at the end.
He’s not in this game of course but anyone mention how Harry Kane sounds like a euphimism for penis #futboltrivia
in 451, the council of chalcedon established *definitively* that jesus was both fully australian and fully chinese
If you’re a “patriot” you think a country is your dad #CountriesAreNotDads
Server: Hi, do you have any questions? Me: Yes, what is the poop du jour? Server: Ah, I believe today that is poop. Me: Oh! Perfect. I’ll take that please.