I refilled her food and went to put up the container. Then I heard crunching…. Her greed sickens me. #lucypancakes
Kelly__le
@kellyle.bsky.social
Jokes and whatnot. Kelly__le from the Twitter
“Fuck yeah I’m still cool” -what I say to myself while blasting Nine Inch Nails as I pull up to the podiatrist for plantar fasciitis
Getting a mammogram. I’ll see if I can get wallet sizes or 5 x 7s. ( • Y • )
"I was only following orders" wasn't an acceptable excuse at the Nuremberg trials & won't work now. #AccountabilityIsComing
Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 6mo agoKristi Noem: "Everything I've done, I've done at the direction of the president and Stephen"
I woke up to #lucypancakes biting my arm. Girl, I’m not dead, I just overslept! Damn! #AsSoonAsImDeadShellEatMyEyeballs
I don’t mean to brag but yesterday, a lady whom I’ve never met, told me I had a flat butt. 💅🏻
This bag of circus peanuts from 2004 has a more natural hue and better diplomacy than anything coming out of the White House.
If you take a photo of yourself wearing any kind of reflective sunglasses, I will zoom in to see what you saw.
Just got my $34 Facebook money. Nice knowing you. I'm moving to the Hamptons.
What’s worse? Having parents that made your relationship with them so difficult that their deaths are a relief OR having really great parents that you mourn hard forever?
It’s just never going to stop with these fucking people, is it?
Remember to be safe out there. Stay away from driving if you’ve been drinking. Also stay away from guys with acoustic guitars. #NoDUIs #NoWonderwall #NoGettinPregnant
Sometimes I think I’m a pretty cool chick, then other times, I realize I’ve been watching a commercial for mailboxes and getting pretty excited about it.
The Grinch doesn’t practice Santeria He ain’t got no crystal ball If he had a million dollars He’d spend it all On a master plan to take over Santa’s workshop
Santa came now because Santa is tired, and old, and made cookies, and pies, and overslept, and has arthritis, and made spaghetti, and has to prepare food for tomorrow.
If Americans were the kind of people I’ve always been TOLD we are, there’d be a revolution going on right now that’d make Marie Antoinette say, “gee, I had a great time by comparison.”
I don’t want to seem rude, but if you’re thinking of getting me a sword for Christmas, and it’s not enchanted, I would just rather have no sword.
My phone autocorrected “ducks” to “fucks” the ONE time I actually wanted to use ducks.
Thank you for the stocking stuffer ideas. But I don’t know what stockings you think I need stuffed.
“Where the fuck did the tape go?!” -Me all the way through December.