if you, as a couple, say "together we've lost 100 pounds" I'm going to assume that one of you lost 1000 pounds and the other one gained 900
Meaty Mike
@meat-master.bsky.social
And by my hand, the meat shall brown, crisp, and sear !
mapping the feelings I have to the pizza toppings I need
currently listening to bootylicious and desperately googling progressively glossier and glossier mice
I'm using the internet to pirate a coherent system of beliefs
my roommates and I temporarily adopted a bean plant. its name is LL Cool Beans and it is going to die
I think the only thing I forgot to pack is the tiny plastic cocktail sword I've been using to part my hair
god I miss cicadas. how am I supposed to know my place on this earth if the sky doesn’t occasionally just start screaming at me
i was sad abt my contract ending on fri but then a person in front of me in the cafeteria took all 3 pieces of remaining naan so i'm over it
happy thing: sometimes there is a dog on a neighbor's roof and every time I see it I involuntarily say "roof roof"
just almost left a list of all my end of the world predictions in an apron at work
I recently gave my current boyfriend my ex-boyfriend's phone number because they both love sewers so much
in Missouri there is a stretch of highway where every billboard advertises the appealing temperature of a cave
sext: let's kiss even though the world isn't ending or anything
I wish I knew how to use vine because the oscillating fan in my room sounds exactly like a lemongrab
next time you are shaking water off after a shower pretend you are the earth shaking all of the humans off
working on a mostly local gin process. no furanocoumarins made it into this bottle. grapefruit peel from the store, blueberry/sage/angelica from my yard, infused in low wines and distilled to 68%
give a man a fish and he will keep and nurture the fish and hold a funeral when it dies. teach a man to fish and he will kill and eat a fish
shocking to whom? i don't know anyone over the age of 18 who goes to a doctor for non-emergency medicine lol
The Independent@the-independent.com · 3w agoA shocking 92 percent of US adults are not going to the doctor because it’s too expensive
once a guy asked me to fool around with him in a public library
OKAY DR. DOGS ESCAPED FROM TWITTER DOES ANYONE KNOW IF HE HAS A GPS MICROCHIP IMPLANT
this job interview is located "in the glass pyramid beneath the kenny loggins billboard"